Overcomming Shyness

[Unregistered]

Hello

I've been trying to get rid of my shyness for quite some time now. Maybe a total of 5 years. During those 5 years my social skills slowly went down from lack of talking. So I have 2 problems which I don't know if you guys might have the answer for but here goes : Fear of talking to everyone and rebuffing my social skills from lack of socializing from this darn fear! It hasn't been until recently I started getting into self help and hearing what others had to say about it. I've read 2 NLP books and I've even had 4, $250 (ouch on my wallet) NLP sessions. I still havn't seen these miraculous results. It feels as if I've tried everything under the sun. Do any of you have any advice for someone like me trying to get rid of this fear of just basically talking to anyone.

Here are the things I did while in my four - 2 hour sessions of NLP. Day 1 was just her gathering information about how my mind works for 2 hours asking a whole bunch of weird questions. Day 2 was getting ird of a past experience which was the result of me being shy (we played it backwards until the feeling of it was neutral). Day 3 was convincing myself to help my be more productive with getting what we both want (getting rid of shyness but being congruent). Day 4 was...(I can't remember...To be honest I cant even remember what day 2-4 was about and in what order. I can't seem to remember it , it isn't that memorable for some reason)

[hypnobob]

That sounds like a very intense experience for someone who seems to need to avoid the intensity of social interaction?

I wouldn't deny the value of what you may have learned but your mind and your personality is not a "machine to be repaired" and this is how I think NLP often seems to operate.

I would suggest finding a hypnotherapist with a good degree of empathy who is willing to explore with you your fears and perhaps find more subtle way to help.

Another thing to question may be the type of people you wish to socialize with???
Don't assume it's all your problem.....

[Unregistered]

Ask for a refund

Ive had the same problem and since picking up NLP and reading about it and trying techniques ive seen no improvement at all ive actually become worse with self help most probably because by exercising self help you are acknowledging to yourself that something’s wrong with you and so that becomes a new belief.

I mean who gives a f*uck how your shyness started theres no easy fix so just get out there and front it. NLP is not new, people have been doing it for years before richard and john they just noticed it and give it a name. My own intuitive ways of thinking work for me, no NLP techniquie or NLPer has ever had an effect on me it simply doesnt work i do beleive it works for some that think in a certain way and they are the NLPers but they have fallen into their own belives that NLP works for any body.

[Terry (existing)]

Have you asked the practitioner who took your money, why no results?
Is that practitoner a member of any governing body?
Were you offered any form of quarantee before you started?
You see, you have offered no information to base advice on, we need to be fair to both of you, not just the complianant.......If you had come to me when I was in practise, I would have got results in four sessions, or the rest would have been free, supposing you had followed my directions properly. If you had not, you would have no right to blame me for YOUR lack of success. Get the point? Terry

[Unregistered]

I'm not looking to point any fingers. I'm looking for new solutions of how I should go about solving my problem-o. Any feedback / patterns / advice is very much welcomed.


Thanks.

[John Warner]

i've never heard of an nlp practitioner acting so slowly. wholey ****.


i've seen some amazing results to cure shyness with energy manipulation.. like taking the energy of being shy and spinning it in the opposite direction, etc etc etc..

heard anything or tried anything pertaining to that?

[Unregistered]

Heh, naa, it sounds great though. Because I sure as heck have a lot of energy flowing in that direction.

[Hibbitty]

I used to behave in a very shy manner...

NLP models such as "other-orientation," (as opposed to self-orientation) also known as "associating into 2nd person," (2nd person being whoever I was socializing with) helped immensely.

I also picked up college textbooks on Communication and just started testing out different theories. It also helped to come to terms with my identity as a rather eccentric fellow; a great deal of people are just not equipped to deal with my style of coming across. General communication books and NLP will give you powerful tools to apply, but, applying them is work, work that can be quite a bit of fun.

Once I better understood the ways most people communicate, it was easier for me to just jump into it. I don't know what you will learn to make it easier for you... It might be worth noting that there is no end to effective relaxation techniques. I make new ones up constantly, such as focusing on the general frequency of sensory information as it comes in and try to align my own frequencies into it.

Breathing ratios (such as an equal count in and out) seem to be the oldest method.

I dunno... I could go on and on...

Hibbs

[Terry (existing)]

Whether you wish to point fingers or not, the practitioner whom you used deserves to know that you were a failure, and be given the chance to rectify the mistake if such exists....Why would you turn you back on $1,000.00 worth of therapy and start from scratch, when the original practitioner has a head start on what didn't work? Terry

[John Warner]

Ross Jeffries does a lot of energy work with his students to fix shyness. in a seminar i have he fixes a couple guys in a matter of minutes....

If you Register and PM me i can tell you more, but i dare not start another Ross Jeffries conversation on these baords.

either way, it's just one of many ways....

[Unregistered]

I got an mp3 of bandler fixing someone's shyness in therapy could probably send it to you or upload it to webspace

[Oddeye]

Ok, I registered a name. I am now part of the collective :) . If you want to IM me its TheColdSpyder (AIM) and if you want to contact me via e-Mail it's oddeye6@hotmail.com . Thanks a bunch!

Hopefully my persistance will pay off soon! :D

[Oddeye]

[QUOTE=John Warner]i've never heard of an nlp practitioner acting so slowly. wholey ****.

She sent me an e-mail recently saying it's because this is a childhood trauma and it's not as simple as wiring in your head for something as simple as the need and excitement of exersizing, good study habbits, or something like that.
Well thats what she told me anyways.

Thanks :D

[Oddeye]

Can I see that mp3 of bandler? You can contact me through e-mail or AIM or hear. Thanks

[Oddeye]

I might continue with the same practioner, but even I know if something isn't working I should stop doing it and find something better. I thought NLP was suppose to work in minutes ...but really now...9 hours??......I don't know if she's just trying to syphon all the money out of me. Do any of you know how long it would take to break a tendancy to be shy. This is rooted back to the 6th grade (about 7 years ago.) where I was "traumatized". So it's not as simple as just wanting to quick-fix working out or something.

Any of the NLP practioners know how long it would take ? I'm on the fence if what she is doing is legite ... but I feel like I'm trapped in a cage right now and nothing I can do can get me out. So I might just bite the bullet and see how much of a ride she takes me for if in fact what she is doing is legite. I'm pretty poor too :(

[mhabbous@hotmail.com]

Why are you shy?? What are you shy about? The way you look, the way behave, or maybe you dont know why. I think that you dont know why ur shy. The only way to overcome shyness is to face it. Practice makes perfect. Face your fears over and over again until you master your emotions. Its not easy, your gonna be embaraced alot of times and perhaps made fun of. But who cares as long as you know that ur on ur way to getting somewhere. its like quiting smoking, the 1st week is the toughest then after it becomes easier and easier. THATS THE ONLY WAY!! I feel bad for people who pay money for lessons and go to shrinks. These people want you to be shy all ur life so u would keep on comming back and spending money. I bet you that when a shrink goes home, he or she starts laughing their butts off about ur problems with their friends. And believe me they think ur a looser. So get out there and practice. Right now, get out of ur house and go to the grocery store and tell the cashier she's beautifull, look her in the eye try to be calm and ask her how long shes been working there which would lead to a conversation. No matter how embaraced you get or how red ur face gets, go to another grocery store and do the same thing. Keep doing this over and over until u come to a point where you dont give a **** anymore about what people think and YOU WILL BE FREE, I promiss. If you follow these steps on a daily basis. you will be free in 1 month. And you will live the rest of ur life confident. Is it worth it???

[Phoenix]

I have just come back from being certified by Dr Matt James as a master practitioner and i have to say that NLP does work no matter what you say. I have never been shy so i cant share in your situation but if you know that it started in the 7th grade during trauma then i dont see why it hasnt been released? Has your practitioner tried to released that trauma? I assume that you have also released limiting decisions/ belifes about yourself?
feel free to e-mail me at jamie@phoenixlifecoach.com
Dont give up EVER!!

[Poodle]

Excuse me for jumping in here. I used to do energy work (Reiki - Master Teacher, Chakra Balancing, etc.). It is NOT going to fix the shyness problem but NLP or NLP w/hypnotherapy will. It was pointed out very well not to accept failure. One of my clients fail, they are back in here immediately for free until we get it fixed and we will get it fixed. All my weight loss/smoking cessations clients know I am here for a full year for free if they need me. I also guarantee my allergy cures for 5 years. Is that confidence!! I accept nothing less than 100% satisfaction. I make regular phone checkups to see how they are progressing. On the other hand, you could go learn NLP/hypnosis for yourself and remake, reshape yourself. What you've already paid out would make a large deposit on the course. You are only limited by your own mind. I would highly suggest the people that host this website or another place if you wish to contact me privately. Dr. James is a legend in his own time with Time Line Therapy. They are both quality educators and you will NOT leave the same person you went in. Sincerely, Pood

[Phoenix]

that is great confidence! i have just been certified as a master practitioner by Dr James and i am currently setting up my practice, need lots of advice so please help, you got an e-maila address i can contact you at because it seems like you know what your doing and why your doing i would be fascinated to hear your stories.
Jamie

[Jakey]

Have to say, as some others, you've not had a good deal for four sessions. From the information you have given, this should have taken you no more than 30 minutes to change your belief. It's hard to recommend you go back to the same NLPer, however, as you have paid your money, you want its worth.

I would like to recommend you do something, not try, but 'do' until you find a NLP Master/Prac Prac. Sorry I don't have time at the moment.

Every morning for the next three months ( good number for habit building) is to sit/meditate and imagine yourself how you would really like to be, no limits. See youself speaking to all different types of people, covering all types of conversation in all situations. Perhaps do a situation a day. When you are imagining these situations, how do you feel? How can you amplify these wonderous feelings? How can you keep them going through the day? As soon as you start to feel down, think of these positive thoughts and feelings again. If you need a reminder in the day, take a deep breath and re-ignite those positive feelings. When the brain consciously thinks of an emotion/feeling, the subconscious will adjust your body and system to match. So by starting these internal feelings as positive, then sub consciously you should adapt. Please make your images large and in full colour, either as a series of stills or as a movie. Own this image and feeling and play with image until you feel you are part of this film. Some days will be better than others, keep on progressing.

I have on more request: Your fear is rejection. I am a believer there is an opportunity in every situation, regardless.

What I want you to do is see how many times you can get rejected in the day!!! (eg, say hello to someone (10 people min per day), ask a woman out for a drink. Every time you are rejected, celebrate 'yes, rejected, they are missing out of my wonderful company ( your email is interesting and has good humour). When they respond, say to yourself 'yes, they love me'! Or what ever you wish. Even when someone accepts a date, go on the date and see if you can make it go wrong! It's harder than it seems! Even if a date goes no further, celebrate, say, 'yes, I have the control of my feelings' You should realise that it is actually hard to bugger something up, should be apparent that people don't really care what you think, only what they think.

Some one said (can't find who...) maybe its the people you socialise with. Find a different group as an experiment. Your real friends will always be there.

Believe me, this is fun, I won't explain what happened. You need to find your own experiences. Please note, this is a snippet of possibilities you can use to help you. As I said before, a qualified Prac/Master Prac can help you in a short time. The above is certainly a step in the right direction.

[Phoenix]

That is a great post! You set a great ordeal and you mentioned very good points. Which i have read and learnt from, thankyou!

Jamie

[Jakey]

Jamie

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Jakey