oznlp

[Unregistered]

Gedday Skip and company,
Following Skip's suggestion I'm proposing a new forum on rapport. My pondering is this; When do the NLP techniques/ models for rapport building work and when are they less effective? What are the circumstances that make them viable?
I believe, for example, that if our non-verbal communications present us as wanting to control or manipulate the other person then rapport becomes resentment.
If we mimic then we are seen as rude.
The exhortation to be graceful and respectful I think are very important.
Incidentally, I have usually suggested to my groups that they watch people and groups closely. Do they see this process that I am teaching happening naturally? Do they see, for example, lovers matching each other? Do they see groups matching?
Do they hear lowering of volume (or raising of) matching tones etc?
If it is observable then it is probably replicable.
I don't think that it is necessary incidentally to match in the NLP manner, but it sure helps.
(Incidentally, there is some discussion about this phenomenon in Emotional Intelligence by Goleman, from a non NLP perspective.)
Other comments?
Challenges?

Oznlp

[Merlin]

>Gedday .... and company,
>Following Skip's suggestion I'm proposing a new forum on rapport. My pondering is this; When do the NLP techniques/ models for rapport building work and when are they less effective?

They work when done correctly.
They are less effective when done poorly.

>What are the circumstances that make them viable?

Doing it correctly :)

[Unregistered]

Gedday folks

Ummm Skip, I'm sorting out being registered at the moment. Meanwhile, can I ask you to change the name of this forum to something re rapport
I put my e-name where the title should've gone; expecting that there would be a section on the "next page" for aa title for the thread.
Sorry.
Re the reply. Thanks. When done correctly sounds good. Define correctly. This is less for my own elucidation, I suspect I have some capacity for employing the techniques. I also suspect that a good look at our foundation techniques could be constructive.
An example. I know of some training that was run for community workers here in Oz. The trainer claimed to be building rapport. The person with whom he claimed this was furious with the way that the trainer made this claim and the way he was behaving. ie; He was mirroring the worker. The worker stated that he felt no rapport with the trainer and subsequently made a complaint about the training and its content and method.
That training is now no longer available and NLP has a bad reputation in that cisrcle.
The trainer was making claims about the rapport he thought he had with the worker.
The worker stated otherwise.
Now, elements of the stage delivery aside, the meaning of this trainer's communication was definitely in the response he got.
He communicated that NLP made inappropriate and unsubstantiated claims-even in the realm of subjective experience.
He failed to pace the group's ethics and belief system.
He failed to pace an individual.
So, what is doing it properly?
Are there rules/ guidelines/ presuppositions that operate to make up the concept of "corrrectly"?

oznlp

[skip]

Dear OZnlp,

Rats!

I changed the subject line, and now it doesnt show except when you access the thread.

I have no idea how to correct this from my end.

Will check with the Sys op.

In the mean time you might copy your origional post, begin a new thread, with the copy, the other person who replied might also do this, and we can recreate the thread with a proper subject in its new incantation.

Then I will delete this one.

It isnt pretty, but it is a work around.

I was also going to reply to this thread, but now I will wait till we fix it one way or another.

skip