Finding courage

[Unregistered]

Hello. I am not a certified practioner or professionally trained. I have put friends in a trance (at their request). Recently I was approached by a close friend whom asked to be hypnotized in order to deal with some major issues he has. He belongs to a religious organization (which out of respect I wont name) that is more of a sect than anything else. These people are not allowed to socialize with outsiders and restrained in many and more complex ways. He is very unhappy there, questions the validity of their teachings which he isn't allowed to express, otherwise he'd be greatly reprimanded. Also if he breaks their rules he is expelled, and all the people he knows (his parents included) are prohibited from associating with him. Guilt and fear of bringing this shame to his family has him frozen in the situation.

He feels that for him to be happy he has to break free which in turn will leave him without the family he cares about so much.

He wants me to help him "erase" the things that hold him back, so he can go ahead and achieve his happiness. I don't believe erasing is the answer to anything, nor am I sure that is possible to do, and if it was I have moral issues with doing such a thing. He wont go to any one else, he feels I am the only person he can tust himself to. I thought of using a confidence script with him.... do any of you think this might help any? Suggestions are more than welcome.

[j0hnny#]

IMhumbleO it seems that the people around him have put him under constraint for the things they think are good for him. It seems he needs to realise that if they don't love/care for him for who he is then they don't love or care for him - only their own ideas of him and who he should be. Courage is only a matter of taking action. If he can realise his constraint and make that the basis of the difficult action he will have all the courage he needs - time is ticking away - how many times will the clock pass twelve before the lights go out?

[skip]

Dear guest,

It would seem from your description that he has pretty good evidence from personal experience, that this religion, is more interested in controlling people, than it is in assisting its membership reach paradise.

I am not sure, or a better word would be convinced, that confidence is what your friend lacks. He is trying to decide, what is more important, his own intelligence and sense of morality and ethics, or membership in this group, and continued good relations with his family, and friends.

That cannot be an easy task, and helpful guidance, would probably be inclined to give him the opportunity to see more than the two choices that make up his current dilemma.

That he can only see two choices right now, demonstrates, not a lack of confidence, but perhaps a lack of the ability to use his creative resources, in this situation.

What he needs, is more behavioral flexibility, and the insight, to perceive more than the current two choices that he thinks are all he has.

There are number of techniques for this, but given your level of expertise, what I would suggest, is that you listen to him, and use your own creativity to ask questions and stimulate his thinking in areas that he might not have yet considered.

skip

[Annie]

Hello,

Mainstream "organized religions" wreck astounding damage in their faithful Follower's lives.
Let me tell you : Exiting a *10-million member-Family*, trapping its followers in seductively mind-numbing ways can prove quite the trip. Suffice it to say : "been there, done that". It was the most difficult decision I've made, par none.

I agree with Skip's advice : " He is trying to decide, what is more important, his own intelligence and sense of morality and ethics, or membership in this group, and continued good relations with his family, and friends.
That cannot be an easy task.

There are number of techniques for this, but given your level of expertise, what I would suggest, is that you listen to him, and use your own creativity to ask questions and stimulate his thinking in areas that he might not have yet considered. "

Very good advice ! - and I'm sure you can do it :)


Annie

[j0hnny#]

He is trying to decide, what is more important, his own intelligence and sense of morality and ethics, or membership in this group

seems to me he has made his decision -


He wants me to help him "erase" the things that hold him back, so he can go ahead and achieve his happiness.


use your own creativity to ask questions and stimulate his thinking in areas that he might not have yet considered.

with respect Skip and Annie, seems this guy has reached the edge of abyss, does he jump in or step back from the edge, you seem to be suggesting he look for another way round, which if he steps back perhaps he will, seems to me this will just prolong his pain. Seems to me the nature of the case requires he make an either/or. If he steps back he denies who he is... if he jumps, who knows... if his family are subject to persecution from their peers then maybe they will jump also. -What kind of a life is that anyway?- Still, maybe he will jump, grab a branch on the way down and somehow throw himself back up right into the safety of the flock, having realised the abyss is not what he really wants. Maybe they will respect him for his prodigality, were this to happen. Ok, ok.. it is a difficult decision - he will hurt his family, though i prefer to think that, if the situation played out, his family, if they chose, would get upset at his decision, they are responsible for their feelings, and he for his. It seems to me that he has reached a stage where he needs to act - it seems even more obvious that he needs to jump into the abyss... how else will he know whether he has the wings or the hooves?

Maybe I will be accused of a lack of imagination for the either/or... the way the case is described there seems to be little room for shades of grey - comprimising with fundamentalist ideals can take many lifetimes. It requires first and foremost antagonism to the ideal. Compromise may follow eventually. Rebelion! Rebelion!

-in the words of 'The Streets' 'lets push things forward...':)

The request was about finding courage. He wants courage, he wants to try out his liberty. He needs courage to do this. An assertiveness script might help if using hypnosis. Also self esteem, and anything that will allow him to see his right to freedom of opinion and expression.

with respect now, you hear?

[skip]

Hi Johnny,

Thanks for the input, and I do agree with a lot of what you say.

I also do doubt that he has made the decision. Otherwise he would have broken with the church already, or 'surrendered' to the party line. Since it seems as if he is still looking for another way, I percieve him as still undecided.

As a wise fellow once said one alternative is no choice. Two alternatives is only a delima. He has far more than just two choices, he just doesnt realize it yet.

I nor anyone else can tell him what to do. BUT he can be helped to see more than the two alternatives it appears are all he is aware of now. Then he has choices.

skip

[j0hnny#]

Ok, fair enough skip, he does need choices....

At the bottom line I'm thinking these are some he might have

1) stay and be unhappy
2) stay and be happy
3) go and be happy
4) go and be unhappy
5) become indifferent

I guess within these there are many possibilities as to how to realise the outcome..

1)=not what he wants
2)=not presently practical
3)=desireable
4)=not out of the question
5)=neither out of the question nor possible within the current situation (it would appear)

I guess these are not necessary analyses - maybe its the case that he doesn't really know what he wants, maybe he just likes guest's attention. For now, the question is what will make him happy? ... he knows what makes him unhappy... if he wants to be happy it seems to me he needs to try something different i.e. the most effective means to his end is not to step back from the edge, or at least unless of course 1) or 5) can be reasoned to. I agree, therefore, that he should explore the possibilities of 1-5 - much room for choices within these.... I recommend he takes some action against his unhappiness, which again will require exploring the possibilities. Ok fair enough, I agree to some extent....

:cool:
Cheers

j

[Unregistered]

I want to thank you all for your varied input. All of you have said something that is helpful in a way or another to me.

I would have to say that Johnny is the one that has gotten the nearest to how my friend actually feels and sees things. To him it is either or. He stays or he goes. His family has actually said they rather see him dead than gone from this organization.(Needless to say I could not believe they could say such a thing, specially when he is going to them for guidance.) There could be an infinite number of options to us as outsiders, right now in the state he is he can not see this options or accpet their existance.

I have listened to him, been his number one helper and supporter from the moment we met. But obviously speaking of what ails him so is not improving things for him in any way.

Thank you again. You continued guidance is much appreciated. He has asked this for me and as I see it, the least I can do is try.

[Simple Guy]

You may also want to do some research to find out if there is any kind of
a support group nearby for people that have left or are leaving similar groups.
In addition to providing information, there might be someone in such a group,
who when and if the time is right, would be willing to speak with your friend
from a "firsthand" perspective.

[EC]

Hi Guest,

Please allow me to give you another viewpoint. You have received excellent reponses: Johnny did a wonderful job of analyzing how friend felt, understanding the problem, however, Skip gave you excellent advice about overcoming the problem, here's what I mean:

Friend doesn't "have a problem" he has a decision to make. He cannot make the decision because the outcome he see's for either are not acceptable. To reach a decision he is happy with, he will have to stop focusing on the "problem" and focus on the outcome he desires. There is a specific way to do this that will work for him and you can guide him there.

You can help him, not by hypnosing him, but by taking his focus off the problem and placing it on the outcome/solution. You can lead him (covertly) to look forward, into the future, say about a year out, and design a picture of a happy outcome to this situation. It will help to suggest that one year down the road will in fact become a reality and he either is along for the ride, or is driving the bus. With proper "leading" his mind will design an alternative and acceptable outcome to his current situation. Now an interesting thing begans to happen: Whatever the mind believes it conceives!

He will immediately feel less stress over this situation and will find himself (unconsciously) taking all the little steps to arrive at the outcome he has chosen. This is just the way the mind works.

The bottom line in all this is: Friend must take responsibility for his tomorrows. The longer he put's this off by remaining fixed and stressed over the problem, the more the whole situation will likely deteriorate.

In trying to help someone in emotional turmoil, you either become a part of the problem by supporting the misery "enabling", or you become part of the solution by leading them to logical, outcome based thinking.

Do the above and you will have added a little knowledge of NLP to your bag of tricks!

Hope this helps,

EC