View Full Version : What if
Steve888
03-31-2006, 11:45 AM
What if you can recognise that within yourself there are factors that hinder, or even prevent you gaining rapport with new people - let alone forming any kind of relationship?
What if, when on holiday with a group of medical doctors, they recognised these factors and in the resulting conversations made me realise I was apprehensive about letting out any kind of emotion? It was a devastating experience and not one I am about to repeat.
As an individual I am in most respects quite regular and conforming. I have a few friends but do not maintain regular contact. They would be the first to tell me that I have an abrasive outer layer. I brought up my children alone and I think I've done a reasonable job of it but I do have deep feelings of guilt because I chose the wrong mother for them.
What if I recognise the solution is probably within me but am too terrified to address it, because of what others might see underneath. What if that same underlying reason might be the obstacle I opened with?
Steve
Terry (existing)
03-31-2006, 11:56 AM
Steve, "What if" is not a game I choose to play. "What if" is for suckers..... If others choose to reply, so be it, but I work with persons who place more trust in me than in their spouses, their parents, or indeed anyone else, and if I don't get that here, I don't help...
Poodle
03-31-2006, 12:14 PM
Your conscious mind chose that mother for your children -- not your subconscious. You probably have more rapport than you realize. Do you know how to smile or shake a hand and say welcome or thank you! I really would not say that Dr. Milton Erickson had rapport, especially in his later years but that did not stop his genius in any way and he was still able to produce profound changes in patients. What the mind expects to happen will happen and everyone knew that when they were in the presence of Erickson it would happen. Within 7 words trance was induced. We are still studying his work 26 years after his death. I know some of the greatest medical doctors in the world have NO RAPPORT but I'm not paying for their personality. I'm paying for their skill because I know that skill will fix my problem. In reflecting on one of the greatest orthopaedists in the world I had a screw coming out of my tibia. He would not use any kind of an anesthesia even tho I asked for it. He just took his knife and cut the skin, took out what looked to be an ordinary household screw driver and unscrewed the screw and put in a couple of stitches. I was told to shut up as I was wasting his time and it was VERY VALUABLE. I passed out in the parking lot upon leaving. This is total lack of rapport but so what? The man was a genius!! He was doing what others had not yet even dreamed of. To me, there will always be a little halo associated with this man as he was that great.
Steve888
03-31-2006, 03:09 PM
Steve, "What if" is not a game I choose to play. "What if" is for suckers..... If others choose to reply, so be it, but I work with persons who place more trust in me than in their spouses, their parents, or indeed anyone else, and if I don't get that here, I don't help...
OK Terry I read your response and thank you for it. "What if" is an expression and nothing more. I recognise that within me there is an inhibiting factor that I try to go beyond but fear the outcome what could happen stops this. It seems to influence a lot of interpersonal reaction.
I have read the response that 'Poodle' posted, any he (she) too must be thanked for his (her) time, but I feel that I am missing out in a lot of ways.
I cannot claim to be anything other that ordinary. I have no agenda other than to seek an answer to what I perceive to be a personality difficulty. I came here after reading about NLP.
I attempted to explain, by reference, through my experience at the mercy of a number of GP's who were keen to try out the effectiveness of their newly aquired skills. Fortunately one of them realised the apparent destructive nature of their questioning. But have never forgotten what that questioning felt like.
So when I use the term 'what if' I meant 'I' - does that that mean 'only suckers need reply'?
Having said that I am not keen to be 'open' to professionals who clearly have a better understanding of how personality works than I do - would you qualify as someone I should be 'open' with?
Steve
Terry (existing)
03-31-2006, 04:50 PM
Steve, let me be clear, when I reply to a post, the poster gets my best efforts after reading with care what they write. What you got was straight from the shoulder, and the literal truth. My paying clients, face to face, with me knowing them, and they knowing me, put more trust in me than did your post to a group of strangers who don't know you, any more than you know them. It is not material to me if you choose to be open with ME or not, it is you that is looking for help, and the only way you will get that help is to lay it on the line with abandon. We don't mind read, and we try hard not to guess, the only help we can offer is based on what is said, and if you choose to say little or nothing, that is the help you can expect. This is not to insult, but to be clear, honest, and caring to a stranger. Do it properly, or don't waste time, yours or ours. Suppose, just suppose, I was a fraud, and that other so called skilled members were also fraudulent, would you know? Suppose you are some con artist taking us for a ride, would we know? We reply to words posted online, knowing nothing about the person posting. You ask questions, trusting that the persons who reply have the skills to help. See, it cuts both ways. Many on this board will be kind and thoughtfull, but me, I preffer honest (g)....
Merlin
04-01-2006, 09:44 AM
Dear Steve,
'What if' comes across as a game, rather than seeking information.
It'll turn off a lot of people who might otherwise respond.
It seems like that wasn't your intent from your more recent post.
I wasn't in a what if game mood, so I skipped your post.
No telling how many others did.
The intent is not to criticize you, but just to let you know how your communication came across.
Hello Steve,
What if you decide what is most important for you?
What if you went along to an hypnotherapist and said all that you have said here?
What if you came out of the hypnotherapists without the problem you went in with? How valuable would that be?
Jack