teenage problem

[doreenlim]

We are having lots of problems with our 16 yr old adopted daughter. Since she was 5 she started lying to her teacher and got worst from 12 yrs old- she started lying, stealing, shoplifting, smoking, tatoo, piercing, run awy from home. As parents, we are very hurt by the many disappointing things she did.
We know that there is a need for us and her to seek counselling, psychotherapy ..wondering if hypnotherapy can save the situation.

[pmdigi]

In addition to hypnotherapy, you might want to read "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls" by Mary
Pipher.

[Poodle]

I am not saying it is the parent's fault but I am seeing a lot of teens out of control from "lack of proper parenting". My first suggestion is for family counseling by a professional counselor. Just know this teen is just as capable of lying to us in hypnosis as to you in the conscious state. Hypnosis is NO TRUTH SERUM. We cannot help someone that does not desire to change. Now, if your teen truly believes there is a problem within their behavior that needs to be changed, we can work our magic. We do not have magic wands that we can wave across a problem and it just disappears. Some time with a good Master NLP Practitioner would be beneficial for you as parents to learn how to deal with this problem until it is solved. You are asking for advice when we have met none of you which is impossible for us to do.

This is reminding me of a mother/daughter client I had recently. Mom's memories were very distorted from time. "Always been like this." Daughter didn't have a clue and the most I could get out of her consciously was "FOREVER" but she was greatly motivated for a change and when the problems were found at ages 3 and 5 through hypnosis regression and taken care of once and for all Mom suddenly remembered there was a problem but didn't know how to handle it well at that time so the problem just grew exponentially over the years.

[Merlin]

What do you seek?
A magic incantation to change the 16 year old?
Something to make you feel better?
Other?

[Jack]

Hello Doreen,

What hypnotherapy can do is help your daughter find out what is making her behave in this manner. For her to do this she has to be aware that she is doing things which are considered wrong by you and which are hurting you.

She cannot be forced to accept hypnotherapy since attempting to do so will result in driving yet another wedge between you. If she does not consider that what she is doing is hurtful or wrong then hypnotherapy will be of no benefit to anyone.

Family Counselling may help by exposing some of the reasons she is behaving in the way she is. If she accepts that her behaviour needs changing then that is the time to consult a professional hypnotherapist since behaviour change is (IMO) much more efficiently treated using hypnotherapy or NLP, than using counselling or psychotherapy.

Jack

[doreenlim]

Thks for your counsel. The problem with her is her constant comparing herself with her friends who have little parental control nor discipline. She thinks that is 'normal' life. She finds us 'suffocating' her freedom to do what she likes. She has left home after we discovered she lied to us; returned after 1 mths because she had lost her identity card, wallet and handphone. Stole her passport and left home again after 3 days. Next 4 mths we had no idea where she was again; returned for 3 days and now run away again. Apparently she (16 yrs old) and her 16 yr b/f had sex already and both are want to get married. They know that they are below the legal age to marry but knew that with special permission they can get married. She has missed enrolling for her school yr and is now not willing to continue her study. Her b/f is also a school dropout at 14 yrs old. yet she would say that she is 'confused'. What are all these messages? We are just as confused. BTW she was adopted at 6 weeks old. She started lying at 5 yrs old and got worst since 4 yrs ago. In all these 4 yrs, she left home after her lies are discovered; but owuld return home after 2-3 nights. She is unhappy to think that her biological mother rejected her and would not accept any excuse for her. We always loved her like our own and taught her all the righteous principles a parent sh teach. We have gone through a lot of afflictions with this girl and feels unappreciated by her. Running away and not wanting to let us know her whereabts is cruel. We had expressed our feelings to her. Yet she continues to do the same. Should we just let her hang around until she is satisfied and not bother to look for her? After all we don't know where she is. The only channel we have is the email. She reads but refused to reply. We feel very much betrayed, unappreciated and tortured by her actions/attitude.

[Poodle]

I too had a client that was adopted at a very, very early age. It still causes problems in certain areas as he too sometimes "feel rejected" and "unloved" for that reason even though his step mother loves him dearly.

Is there no law where you live? A 16 year old is not an adult. What is she doing with access to her Passport??? I don't know about where you live but where I live sex with a 16 year old is illegal and punishable with the male going to detention or worse. Either grab this little filly by the arm and get her into counseling and then into hypnosis IF SHE IS WILLING. If she is unwilling on both, let the authorities deal with her until she regains some common sense. Depending upon where you live, there are also "boot camps" for these types of teens...not nice but a VERY STEEP LEARNING CURVE.

Again, IMO, NLP sessions would be beneficial to you and your spouse to learn how to handle these emotions.

Good luck,
Pood