Snoring - treating the partner

[David Laing]

Hi all
I have recently been contacted by the partner of a snorer who was at her wits end. As far as I know, snoring is really down to physical things so nothing was likely to be gained by treating him. I had a session with her and having removed the anxiety she felt I installed a "sleep control" that she could move with her hand and as she reached the highest setting she would drop into a deep sleep that only an emergency or similar situation or her alarm clock would wake her from until she was completely refreshed. Then she would waken in a natural way. Her partner's snoring would not disurb her at all and would actually soothe her like a lullaby.
I received the following email today and would ask for your advice:

"Hi David
Thought I’d drop you an email to let you know how things have been going since our session on Monday night. Unfortunately things have improved in one area but are worse in others. The good news is that when C started to snore on Monday night I didn’t feel anxious, upset or frustrated – I just felt really calm about it, so a real improvement there. The problem was that I still could not sleep and his snoring was louder than ever! I tried to higher the slide control in my brain, which I could visualise really well, but unfortunately it made no difference despite practically breaking it!! In the end C was forced to sleep on the couch but his snoring reached such a level downstairs that it was almost like having him back in the bedroom and as a result I only managed to get about 2 hours sleep all night. As C has been away since Tuesday morning and only returned last night we hoped that maybe my brain needed either re-booting or more time for the suggestions to sink in and had hoped that last night we might have been ok but it wasn’t to be. Although I was still really calm and I tried for over an hour to get to sleep but in the end he had to sleep on the couch as his snoring was just so bad I found it impossible to sleep – bit like trying to sleep next to a pneumatic drill x 100!

Although it’s a bit disappointing I am really pleased that I’m not feeling as stressed out about it as I was and that is a really positive result. Hopefully another session may finally solve this problem but obviously I will be guided by your advice.

Thanks for all your help
P"

Any suggestions how I can help this poor woman further?
Thanks in advance?
Dave

[skip]

I am reminded of the metaphor about the guy who learned to sleep in the boiler factory. (Erickson) He also learned to tune out the carcaphony of sound and carry on conversations. A discernment that would allow her to ignore the snoring but listen for those things she might need to hear; similar to the ecology in your first attempt.

The other unspoken thing, is snoring varies not just in volume but rate, and sometimes it stops altogether, then starts again. A person sleeping with someone they care about, gets into the 'tempo', and when it is interrupted they often become naturally concerned, "They stopped breathing!", and that focuses their attention as they strain to hear the next breath so they know everything is alright.

If that is whats going on, you may be fighting a battle you dont really want to win, and neither does she.

I wonder if this guy can snore a lulliby?

The 'other' approach would be that if this guy wakes up with enough sour gym socks in his mouth, he will stay up and she will get a great nights rest. Course the ecology on that one is a bit dodgy. :)

cheers,

skip

[Terry (existing)]

I both enjoyed and shared Skip's commentary as to cause and effect. Fact is, the snoring is on one hand comforting, since she knows he is alive, and that is the reason for your supposed failure to get the results you hoped for. However, why in heavens name does she come to you for help instead of having him consult his doctor and get treatment? There is a post on another board very similar to this, from a woman who has two small children, and who's husband is urging her to get help to sleep in spite of his snoreing, while he is too selfish to act on curing himself via medical treatment. The fact that he is putting his small children in danger if wife sleeps too deeply was not his concern until a bunch of people jumped on him for it and showed how selfish he was. Human nature is funny isn't it? "It's not my problem, you deal with it" (G)......Ah, would the Lord the gift ta gi us, to see ourselves as others see us....

[Merlin]

Ever notice snoring occurs at night?
The muscles in the throat relax as we sleep.

You could ask the SC to not relax those specific muscles which will make breathing easier.

The sc may not care about the noise, but presented as breathing better, the sc will often go along with the idea.

[Poodle]

The problem does not exist for the person that's asleep snoring away. No s/he is very happily sound asleep. One needs to treat the problem as a problem for the one that has to HEAR IT! Change the sound of the snoring to water over a small water fountain, a filter on a fish aquarium or some other pleasant sound the client likes. Guaranteed happy client and the snorer gets to continue on with the original behaviour. Both awaken happy and refreshed in the morning. My last client that had his problem says she cannot thank we enough. It was just a little extra that got thrown in for free and maybe took me an extra 5 minutes. I think she was a little too embarrassed to mention it but her daughter told me so I fixed it. Talk about weird - my Poodle is woofing in his sleep; must be chasing something.

[David Laing]

Thanks everyone!

Apparently they had considered an operation for the snorer but were advised that it could be dangerous and are reluctant to take the risk.

I love the suggestion by Poodle to change the sound to something else - why didn't I think of that!

I'll get her in again and try that. Thanks again to everyone. That was really helpful.

Best Wishes
Dave

[David Laing]

Hi all

I thought I'd drop a quick note to let you know how things were going. The lady came to the session last night along with her partner.

I started with her and I had her choose her own "special sound"-a sound that she knew could gently lull her to sleep. This could be whatever she wished but I offered examples such as a waterfall, etc. I gave her suggestions that the snoring and this sound were remarkably similar and that she never really noticed this before that she could now experience the snoring in a completely different way as she merged the snoring and her special sound together. No matter how loud or quiet this sound might be it is an excellent way to help her to sleep and did not disturb her at all.

I then led her partner, the snorer into hypnosis and had him go back to when he was a tiny baby and he became aware of the muscles in his throat and mouth. As the snoring and had only started about 18 months ago I had him completely relearn exactly how those muscles should function and bring the learning back into adult life.


I'll let you know how things go!
Dave