Help!

[Sara]

How can i help (Using NLP techniques) a person who is showing himself to others by the way he wants them to see him.. not by the way he really is?
That person want to be lets say "X" and he is acting like this X.. but deep inside he is "Y" not X!

Sorry for my bad english.. is it clear? :S

[Simple Guy]

Sara,

If a person is not being genuine or is insecure, others around him can
use NLP or other processes to work on themselves to develop the
quality of self-acceptance that your post implies may be lacking in
him. It's possible that he may then model this quality for himself,
or at the very least, on a subconscious level, seeing this trait in
others may give him permission to pursue this for himself. You
can't force change on someone, but we're influenced by others,
particularly friends. Hopefully you're a friend to this person. If so,
friends have been known to provide the kind of encouragement
and trust to one another that allows them to be more self-secure.
--For that no formal NLP skills are needed.

[Sara]

Thank you Simple Guy for your help
and yes.. am this persons friend.. and he asked me for help!
another thing is that i'm an nlp master practitioner.. so i thought helping him using it would be a good thing for him!

[Merlin]

Sara,

By whose standard is he "Y"?
Does he like being as he is? Does he meet his own standards but not yours?

[Sara]

No, he doesn't like being as he is...
and it's all by his standards, not mine~

[Alonso]

Sara,

what is the problem in devising an NLP technique where you change x with y. Throw in some good hypnotic suggestions in there and be sure to have him use a lot of mental imagery to work with the suggestions? Sounds like basic hypnosis.

[skip]

Hi Sara,

As a therapast I get a lot of people who think they are y and want to be x.

Now sometimes that IS because y isnt up to snuff.

But that is generally very rare.

Most of the time it is simply an erroneous belief that y isnt enough and x is more.

In fact almost everyone, if they are comfortable with who they are (y), they are actually more than their fantasy (x).

Your friend has two choises, because this x,y business isnt etched in stone.

He can fake x until he makes it, and that is actually easier to do than most think. Unfortunately most people who do this still take their insecurities with them and then x becomes less than y. Too bad. Big effort to get the same results.

Or they can gain a new understanding about themselves and a fuller appreciation about who they are and can be, within who they are.

A lot of the difference is their referencing. Does how they percieve others feelings about them determine whether or not they are satisfied with themselves or are they self referenced?

Just the other day I posted to someone that I simply didnt want to have everyone as my friend. That I was more discerning than that. This is someone that was dissapointed with me. Some other people applauded me that I was 'not giving in'. Now if my self esteem was tied up with how everyone felt about me, where would I be? I certainly couldnt satisfy both.

Your friend needs to make a determination about who he wants to be, for his own satisfaction. And he can fake that until he 'makes it'. It wont take long, just some diligence. Then he needs to learn to calibrate others feedback in accordance with that determination.

A good hypnotherapast or NLPer can help that.

skip

[Sara]

Sounds like basic hypnosis.
Thanks! i'll go with ur advice. :)

Does how they percieve others feelings about them determine whether or not they are satisfied with themselves or are they self referenced?

Yes, also he thinks that y is bad person and x is good one.

Your friend needs to make a determination about who he wants to be, for his own satisfaction. And he can fake that until he 'makes it'.
How can he fake it? i mean as u said fake that until he "makes it"?

A good hypnotherapast or NLPer can help that.
It seems that i'm a bad NLPer who couldn't help him! (J.K)


Thaanks ;)

[skip]

Sara,

Do you recall, building an 'alternate reality' and stepping into it? You might have learned it under the same name I did, "Circles of Excellence"

Where you put an ideal 'person' or mega state in a circle in front of you, tune it up really nice, and 'step' into the circle and take on all the attributes of the ideal person or state.

And you step back out and make fine tuning adjustments and then step back in.

What do you suppose happens if they build it so well, and like it so much, that they never step back out?

I know people who are afraid to do this because they are afraid they will like the "new persona" sooo much they will never 'come back'.

To which I say, "RIGHT!"

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[Sara]

skip,
yes yes! i do remember "Circles of Excellence" - like a ring u throw and step into it. carrying all "new persona's" traits!
i hope this what u mean! :confused:
Excellent, i'll use it with my friend ;)

Thaaaaaaks a lot.. i really appreciate it :D

[skip]

Sara,

Yup thats it.

Now if I can just learn to fake sincerity, Ill have it made. :)

skip