View Full Version : how important is a dominant personality in hypnotherapy?
newbie
11-13-2005, 10:36 PM
okay, now this is something i'm really thinking about as i prepare for my hypnotherapist career.
i've always been a great listener, people always mention that. however, the gift of listening has a flip-side: you sometimes fail to *talk* when you need to. people sometimes walk on your words, interrupt you, cut you off, etc. because they're used to you not talking.
in hypnosis school they teach us that you must assume authority in the session, i.e. not let the client talk and talk and run the session, but establish dominance so you can lead them.
so i'm wondering: will my not-especially-dominant personality make it difficult for me? if so, can i overcome it (i.e. alter my personality) via self-hypnosis?
thanks,
newbie
Have you ever watched a orchestral conductor? During a quite passage their hand motions are large, but during loud passages they will get smaller. That way, rather than get involved in the music and forgetting the conductor, they have to pay close attention to him or her.
When a person comes into your office you will already have authority. They're coming for help and hoping you can give them the assistance for things they can't do. The softer you speak, the more they'll listen.
That being said, it is valuable to learn how to "work" with your voice. For example, when doing an induction, you might want your voice to fall in pitch and slow down. To rouse a person you might want to get louder and speed up. The key is that the quality of your voice should match what you are saying.
I don't know where you live, but you might consider taking some acting classes or voice (i.e., singing classes) to go along with your training. Also, most cities have an organization called Toastmasters. They may offer inexpensive classes in public speaking.
newbie
11-13-2005, 11:35 PM
Have you ever watched a orchestral conductor? During a quite passage their hand motions are large, but during loud passages they will get smaller. That way, rather than get involved in the music and forgetting the conductor, they have to pay close attention to him or her.
When a person comes into your office you will already have authority. They're coming for help and hoping you can give them the assistance for things they can't do. The softer you speak, the more they'll listen.
That being said, it is valuable to learn how to "work" with your voice. For example, when doing an induction, you might want your voice to fall in pitch and slow down. To rouse a person you might want to get louder and speed up. The key is that the quality of your voice should match what you are saying.
I don't know where you live, but you might consider taking some acting classes or voice (i.e., singing classes) to go along with your training. Also, most cities have an organization called Toastmasters. They may offer inexpensive classes in public speaking.don, are you a musician or composer? i've read other posts where you use music as an analogy for hypnotism; i find it an effective metaphor.
what you have addressed here is the voice itself, which is indeed part of my question; the bigger part of the question, though, is that of assertion/confidence. i must first learn to speak before the question *how* to speak need be addressed.
it's more about learning to talk more and listen less than it is about how to modulate the voice right now, i think. i believe i need to become more of a talker and less of a listener; more of a leader and less of a follower.
anyone here dealt with that issue?
MissPiggy
11-14-2005, 03:06 AM
it's more about learning to talk more and listen less
I agree that it's important to be able to talk and to be confident while doing that. I don't agree that you should listen less. The better you listen, the better you know what the client wants and needs, what her desired outcome is. But you have to be able to guide the client with your questions, so that you get the information you need. That's during the pretalk. When the pretalk is over, then it's you who has to talk. When you ask the client if she is ready for the hypnosis now, they usually stop talking anyhow.
Terry (existing)
11-14-2005, 09:21 AM
There's an old song from a long time ago, part of the words of which are, "it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it. You missed the biggest part of what Don was saying it seems. The client is frequently nervous, since they have no idea what to expect, and will likely babble, but in that babble are kernels of information you may well need to successfully help them. Listen a lot, talk only when you have a question that needs an answer. Speak quietly, and with authority, which is not difficult if you know your stuff, and remember the client is there for help, not to listen to you babble as they do. Yes you will find a few who attempt to take over the session, but a simple smile, a lift of the hand, and the words "thank you, that has been most helpfull", will restore the status quo, and you then proceed to give the client a pre induction talk to assure and calm them, and then conclude hypnosis, which means they are cut off from speaking....Authority is not something you get from outside, it comes from within, and is based on how secure you are in your position.... Give me a good listener any day, to a practitioner who wants to talk the clients head off and boast about how good they are. These I would never hire to help me, they are using hypnosis to bolster up their own ego, not help me the client....
newbie
11-14-2005, 10:33 AM
I agree that it's important to be able to talk and to be confident while doing that. I don't agree that you should listen less. The better you listen, the better you know what the client wants and needs, what her desired outcome is. But you have to be able to guide the client with your questions, so that you get the information you need. That's during the pretalk. When the pretalk is over, then it's you who has to talk. When you ask the client if she is ready for the hypnosis now, they usually stop talking anyhow.thanks 'piggy, you are right about listening, i should have worded that differently. what i meant to say was that i listen too much, i.e. to the exclusion of talking. but your advice is very good, you have helped me see that there is an actual moment when i should take over (i.e. after the pre-talk). thanks! :)
newbie
11-14-2005, 10:37 AM
There's an old song from a long time ago, part of the words of which are, "it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it. You missed the biggest part of what Don was saying it seems. The client is frequently nervous, since they have no idea what to expect, and will likely babble, but in that babble are kernels of information you may well need to successfully help them. Listen a lot, talk only when you have a question that needs an answer. Speak quietly, and with authority, which is not difficult if you know your stuff, and remember the client is there for help, not to listen to you babble as they do. Yes you will find a few who attempt to take over the session, but a simple smile, a lift of the hand, and the words "thank you, that has been most helpfull", will restore the status quo, and you then proceed to give the client a pre induction talk to assure and calm them, and then conclude hypnosis, which means they are cut off from speaking....Authority is not something you get from outside, it comes from within, and is based on how secure you are in your position.... Give me a good listener any day, to a practitioner who wants to talk the clients head off and boast about how good they are. These I would never hire to help me, they are using hypnosis to bolster up their own ego, not help me the client....lots of great little kernels of information here terry (as usual!), thank you. i especially liked the bit about raising my hand and smiling authoritatively--i'm gonna use that one. :)
one thing you said, though, troubles me: you say "authority comes from within." supposing i don't have that internal authority? supposing i don't have leadership ability? what then?
or is it something everyone has inside them, and it can be unleashed by self-hypnosis maybe?
now we are getting to the heart of my question...and, i suppose, my fear...can i really do this?
Hummm,
Interesting question.
Do the qualiies that make for a good hypnotherapast equate to a dominant personality?
Well newbie, in your mind what are the two sets of qualities? Because I know what they are in my mind, but I have no idea what you mean by them.
And no Im not talking about, "Can you lead, and/or assume an authority role?" Because that has little to do with a dominant personality.
So define each separately and lets see if they mesh. And if so where, and what is essential to each.
skip
newbie
11-14-2005, 09:58 PM
Hummm,
Interesting question.
Do the qualiies that make for a good hypnotherapast equate to a dominant personality?
Well newbie, in your mind what are the two sets of qualities? Because I know what they are in my mind, but I have no idea what you mean by them.
And no Im not talking about, "Can you lead, and/or assume an authority role?" Because that has little to do with a dominant personality.
So define each separately and lets see if they mesh. And if so where, and what is essential to each.
skipwell, skip, my knowledge and experience are vastly inferior to yours, so when i describe my idea of a good hypnotherapist i'm pretty much going on theory and what little i've observed of my teachers, rather than something more solid; but with that caveat said...
i would say some qualities that might make for a good hypnotherapist would be charisma; leadership ability; self-confidence; a clear, articulate voice; kindness; gentleness; and an ability to inspire trust.
a dominant personality, to me, would generally be someone who is strong-willed; often an "alpha" type personality; often (but not always) charismatic; tends to lead; capable of persuading others to follow them; and usually has a strong voice.
i'm sure there are other characteristics for both, but those are the main ones that come to mind.
Charlie
11-15-2005, 01:27 AM
i believe i need to become more of a talker and less of a listener; more of a leader and less of a follower.
Why not be flexible enough to be all of these things???
( Also..... back to basics........Pace & Lead )
http://forum.hypnosis.com/images/icons/icon3.gif
Yes, I've worked as a musician. I've played string bass and piano in orchestras, sung in large choirs and madrigal groups, played pipe organ in churches, played organ and synthesizers in rock bands before audiences of up to 10,000. Currently, I'm learning theremin, possibly the most difficult instrument to play.
The people who have pointed out the power of listening to clients are very accurate.
But let's get to a specific answer concerning assertion/confidence. IMO, there are two things that build these qualities: training and practice. If you've have good training, know what to do, and want to help the client, you'll have all the confidence you need.
When I was studying Erickson (from an Ericksonian, rather than an NLP viewpoint), we had to come up with original metaphors. And we had to do it on the spot. "How can we know we're going to come up with a good metaphor?" I asked. "And how can we be sure that our client will understand the metaphor?"
The instructor, Mr. Blum, smiled and said that you must assume excellence. "Assume that your unconscious has the excellence to know what to say. Assume that your client's unconscious has the excellence to know what it means."
In all honesty, that simply concept revolutionized my entire mode of thinking.
Hello Newbie,
The only thing you need to bring to hypnotherapy is you.
Forget trying to be someone you are not. You decided to be an hypnotherapist as you. You made that decision, not some alpha monkey charismatic with a nice line in patter.
Too many hypnos think that by dominating the client they will achieve success. It ain't so. You are not talking to the client, you are talking to his subconscious and battering ram therapy will only work with that little chap on a small number of occasions.
Bring what you have to the party; and it will suffice.
Jack
OK newbie,
Which of those two descriptions match, and which are irrelevent?
Then the question is can you duplicate the needed ones?
If you cant yet, how can you learn to?
skip
newbie
11-15-2005, 11:20 AM
Yes, I've worked as a musician. I've played string bass and piano in orchestras, sung in large choirs and madrigal groups, played pipe organ in churches, played organ and synthesizers in rock bands before audiences of up to 10,000. Currently, I'm learning theremin, possibly the most difficult instrument to play.
The people who have pointed out the power of listening to clients are very accurate.
But let's get to a specific answer concerning assertion/confidence. IMO, there are two things that build these qualities: training and practice. If you've have good training, know what to do, and want to help the client, you'll have all the confidence you need.
When I was studying Erickson (from an Ericksonian, rather than an NLP viewpoint), we had to come up with original metaphors. And we had to do it on the spot. "How can we know we're going to come up with a good metaphor?" I asked. "And how can we be sure that our client will understand the metaphor?"
The instructor, Mr. Blum, smiled and said that you must assume excellence. "Assume that your unconscious has the excellence to know what to say. Assume that your client's unconscious has the excellence to know what it means."
In all honesty, that simply concept revolutionized my entire mode of thinking.don, you are wise. your posts always have something unexpected in them, a different take that always makes me look at things in a new way. are you an instructor?
don, would you share your thinking about what mr. blum meant by his comment? i find it inspiring, but i'm not sure i'm interpreting it right.
newbie
11-15-2005, 11:22 AM
Why not be flexible enough to be all of these things???
( Also..... back to basics........Pace & Lead )
http://forum.hypnosis.com/images/icons/icon3.gifgood point charlie...as usual i overlooked the best answer: be all things to all people.
that's one of my flaws--going to one extreme or the other rather than walking the path of moderation--which i must target for elimination by self-hypnosis.
newbie
11-15-2005, 11:41 AM
OK newbie,
Which of those two descriptions match, and which are irrelevent?
Then the question is can you duplicate the needed ones?
If you cant yet, how can you learn to?
skipthe ones that match are charisma, strong voice, and leadership ability.
i can duplicate charisma and voice. it's leadership ability i will have to work on.
do you think i can do that through self-hypnosis? (at this point in my hypnosis training i tend to think self-hypnosis can do anything, it's like a miracle to me.)
that's one of my flaws--going to one extreme or the other rather than walking the path of moderation--which i must target for elimination by self-hypnosis.
Not a flaw, just the current behavior pattern.
And you can change that if you want!
newbie
11-15-2005, 03:41 PM
Not a flaw, just the current behavior pattern.
And you can change that if you want!thanks for the better term, don...not judging it as "good" or "bad" but just acknowledging it and dealing with it.
I can sure help, bu you can also get help from fellow students.
What do you think the beliefs are that a leader has?
And just to be sure, "Do you think that a therapast always must be a leader, or do they just have to be able to lead when necessary, and is there a difference?
skip
Poodle
11-15-2005, 04:44 PM
In my mind we first have to have RAPPORT as number 1 and this probably comes from the fact that I have had soooo much training in NLP. Agree or disagree? Gotta get things ready for tomorrow (new clients mean a lot of paperwork and record CD's for those finishing). Have a great nite all. PS -- I am not the one that coined the phrase "Micracles on Demand". It was Chas. Tebbetts as I'm sure you veterans well know. Pood
Terry (existing)
11-15-2005, 06:41 PM
PS -- I am not the one that coined the phrase "Micracles on Demand". It was Chas. Tebbetts as I'm sure you veterans well know. Pood Actually I have never heard of Tibbetts, I always thought it was a client of mine who made it up some twenty five years ago... Guess they were only quoting eh?
Merlin
11-15-2005, 07:39 PM
>In my mind we first have to have RAPPORT as number 1 and this probably comes from the fact that I have had soooo much training in NLP. Agree or disagree?
I agree you've probable had 'the fact that I have had soooo much training'
I disagree about the rapport issue as #1.
You need enough rapport to have them show up for the appointment and pay the bill.
Terry, Charles Tebbets trained with Gil Boyne and wrote 'Miracles on Demand' in 1985 and previously 'Self-Hypnosis and Other Mind Expanding Techniques'. Roy Hunter in his books: 'The Art of Hypnosis' and 'The Art of Hypnotherapy' utilises many of the techniques and insights originated by Tebbets and has probably influenced many of today's hypnotherapists profoundly.
The book is a little old fashioned today but well worth a read, if you can find it.
Jack
Actually I have never heard of Tibbetts, I always thought it was a client of mine who made it up some twenty five years ago... Guess they were only quoting eh?
Terry (existing)
11-16-2005, 08:10 AM
Thanks Jack, sounds about right for timing actually (G) My library has almost disapeared these days, and I do very little reading, but I will keep it in mind and look for a copy. Mark may have it among the books he has for sale, must check.
newbie
11-16-2005, 10:33 AM
I can sure help, bu you can also get help from fellow students.
What do you think the beliefs are that a leader has?
And just to be sure, "Do you think that a therapast always must be a leader, or do they just have to be able to lead when necessary, and is there a difference?
skipthe beliefs that a leader has...what a great question...i will have to give that some thought skip, since i myself have not played the role of leader enough to know them by heart. perhaps in meditating on it i will begin to insensibly cultivate those beliefs and qualities within me.
perhaps you are right, perhaps a therapist only needs to be able to lead sometimes. and yes, there is a difference there, because if it's only sometimes, then maybe it's not about possessing intrinsic character traits at all, but rather a simple matter of getting into a certain state when needed-- which would bring the whole leadership question to a much more attainable level.
great questions, skip...you've helped me come up with some good answers by making me think! that's a sign of a good teacher...
Poodle
11-26-2005, 08:33 PM
Yes, pace, pace, lead. Also on occasion you will run across a very dominate client that wants it done their way and they don't know beans about hypnosis but they still want their way. I just say: "There's only room for one hypnotist in this office and that's me". Talk about rapport, you should hear my answering machine! 'nite all. Pood
Charlie
11-27-2005, 12:20 AM
"There's only room for one hypnotist in this office and that's me".
:D
Poodle, I hope this question doesn't confuse you too much, (considering your multiple identity issues), but in general would you say it is better to growl or to purr at your clients??? ;)
http://www.fairiesworld.com/artists/pixs/carriehawkes/CHawksBastGoddess.jpg
Merlin
11-27-2005, 11:08 AM
Some of us just lick ;-)
I keep telling Cooper, "No loud personal grooming during client sessions."
Poodle
11-27-2005, 07:08 PM
Neither. I'm a woman and use sugar coated words.
Charlie
11-28-2005, 08:19 PM
Some of us just lick ;-)
:D
I keep telling Cooper, "No loud personal grooming during client sessions."
:D
__________________
Charlie
11-28-2005, 08:46 PM
I'm a woman
Are you hot? ;) ;) ;)
http://www.positive-evolution.co.uk/with-hypnosis/sexy-poodle.jpg
Poodle
11-28-2005, 09:06 PM
Skip, if you have ever seen George Carlin's take off on dogs when people come to visit you would definitely reinforce that suggestion!!
I keep telling you all I am an OLD dawg!!! The operative word here is OLD!!
newbie
11-29-2005, 12:09 PM
lol what have you all done to my beloved thread ;)
hey, poodle...old dogs can be hot too you know...they've been around the hydrant a few more times...experience is sexy... ;)
Terry (existing)
11-29-2005, 02:32 PM
We seem to have wandered far off track, but back to it now. What is the definition of "leadership" I wonder. I am betting there are different ones about, hence I ask first so that we can have only one definition to speak of.... To me, leadership is automatic if you know your subject. I have taught hypnosis of course. I have taught fire fighting because I got early training in the Navy, and later took a course at a local fire hall, and was a volunteer firefighter in Northern Onario Fact is, I took leadership in such training bacause I knew the subject, not because of any internal feelings or skills, except that of confidence in what I was being exposed to when it came to leading others towards knowledge...
Merlin
11-29-2005, 06:21 PM
>I keep telling you all I am an OLD dawg!!! The operative word here is OLD!!
What a belief to hold!
Poodle
12-01-2005, 10:46 AM
Merlin, suggest you find an old video of Leslie Cameron Bandler in session -- that my love is total rapport and the client is wrapped around her little finger! I always wondered why those two divorced but on the other hand I really wondered why they ever married! Pood
Merlin
12-04-2005, 02:10 PM
>Merlin, suggest you find an old video of Leslie Cameron Bandler in session
why?