Trying to remember

[Unregistered]

Hello,
About 3 years ago, I had an experience where I was on a lot of drugs and blocked out most of the night. Ever since then I have had a lot of problems sexually and think that I might have been raped or taken advantage of somehow. I have talked to other people that were there, and what I got from them is that the only parts I don't remember of the night consisted of making out with a guy and possibly other things. No one ever saw anything very bad, but I was apparently alone with the guy at points of the night. Anyhow, I was wondering, if I was hypnotized if it could bring out what exactly happened that night even though I was on drugs (specifically exstacy, but more than I would usually take). Also, if I do figure out that it happened, how might I help my relationship now, I tend to not want to have relations with my current boyfriend who I've been with for 3 years. Either way, I'm not sure I'll know what to do with the information presented. Any help that you can offer, I fully appreciate.
Thank you

[skip]

You have asked several questions, and they might be related, or they might not. So I am going to have to be somewhat vague with my answer. I am assuming that you had this 'exstacy night' prior to your relationship with your current boyfriend, and he isnt the guy you were with that night. I also do not know what you mean by "a lot of problems".

Yes hypnosis can help you 'recover' the lost memory.

There is no way to predict how this information might affect your relationship now. First of all we dont know what the information is. We dont know if it is having any effect on your current relationship, or if the problems in your current relationship are strictly due to circumstances in the relationship.

You can get some clues. Had you been sexually active, and enthuiastic about sex, prior to the 'exstacy night'? The question of whether sex was something you wanted and enjoyed, or felt pressured to do, could be important here. Does your current boyfriend make you feel loved and appreciated? Do you get sexually excited at all with your current boyfriend? Do you get sexually excited with your boyfriend, and then a look, a gesture, a touch, or something and you unexplainably 'go cold'? If that answer is yes, is what makes you go cold, something that previous to the 'exstacy night' was OK. Are you sexually excited by men, other than your boyfriend?

There is no need to answer those questions here. The answers to the questions could provide clues, but they cannot be considered difinitive proof of anything. And certainly no one answer would be conclusive.

I would suggest that you seek out a Hypnotherapast, not just a hypnotist. A hypnotist could help you recover the memories but it may take a therapast to help you deal with what you discover. Either way, you need some help with your current relationship, if you want it to include a satisfying (for you) sexual componnent.

[Terry]

There is very little one can add to the post you got from Skip, but I will offer a differing opinion in one area, and it differs because of my dealings with person who abused alcohol. I have found that even good subjects may not recall an event which occured while they were inebriated, so there is no guarrantee that you will have any recall. I would advise that you seek the best practitioner you can find, and ensure that that person is one with whom you can empathise.

[Unregistered]

I apologize for not being more detailed. Well, its a little complicated, but before this happened, I was with my boyfriend that I have right now, but we were not together at that specific time. And no he's not the guy that I was with that night.
What I mean by a lot of problems, is basically that I never want sex or anything to do with it almost all the time. I feel repulsed not by him, but by touching or that look in a guys eyes when they want to have sex. I never felt repulsed by any of it before this particular night, I had a very normal libido.

I do believe a lot of problems in our relationship right now, is very much due to my lack of sexual needs. It doesn't take much for me to have the moment ruined and I suppose it would be acceptable every once in a while, but I feel like this about 99% of the time he wants to do anything.

I was also hoping you might explain this a little
"Do you get sexually excited with your boyfriend, and then a look, a gesture, a touch, or something and you unexplainably 'go cold'? If that answer is yes, is what makes you go cold, something that previous to the 'exstacy night' was OK."

The answer is yes, so you mean that before that night that everything was fine? And if so why? I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean.

Thanks again

[Simple Guy]

In addition to Skip and Terry's informed comments, I'd like to suggest that you let
your physician know what has been going on, if you haven't already done so. It's
important that your physician rule out any possible medical conditions that may
be coincidental to, or a result of, whatever took place three years ago. (Many things
can affect sexual response including prescription side effects, endocrine problems,
nutritional deficiencies, etc.--all medical issues for a physician to address, if present.)

Best of luck in successfully resolving this issue.

[skip]

Ok good,

It is the contrast between your sexual relationship both with your current boy friend and others (if applicable) BEFORE the 'exstacy night' and then AFTER that is going to be of first interest to a therapast in trying to decide where the issues are. Do things that were exciting and pleasurable to you before, leave you feeling cold now?

Here is what I understand:

That you were sexually active before the 'exstacy night', and that you were a willing and enthuiastic participant. (Not pressured, or feeling coerced but wanting sex on your own volition)


After the 'exstacy night', you avoid sex, but you do feel close and enjoy intimacy with your boyfriend. Certain aspects that once were pleasurable are now distasteful, or 'turn you off'. And that you havent had sex with anyone since the exstacy night except your current boyfriend.

It would appear that the 'exstacy night' might have some precipitating event. Now the question is what would that event be?

It could be that you were raped, or molested in some way.

It also possible that you did something willingly or not, that is now causing you to feel differently about your boyfriend and or sex.

You said you dated him before but the two of you werent together at the time of the 'exstacy night'.

Too much drugs, and some other guy, are not uncommon results when two people are having difficulties. Had you and your current broken up, temporarily? Is it possible that instead of being raped you did something for which you now feel guilty?

I dont know you and I am not judging you or your actions, I am guessing in the dark here.

The best course of action for you is to find a hypnotherapast, and let them help you sort it out.

[Don]

As I'm sure you can see by the responses here, hypnotherapists are more than willing to help you.

I think you can also see that dealing with a complex situation such as yours in a forum like this is really next to impossible.

I can say that hypnosis certainly can help a person remember things thought forgotten. However, this can be very tricky unless the hypnotherapist is trained in doing this. Clients a very likely to "confabulate," create answers they think the hypnotherapist wants to hear rather than simply tapping into their submerged memories.

But let's assume that you find out something unwanted did happen. Then what?

Unlike the movies, in the real world merely finding out that something unwanted happened resolves nothing.

So let's assume you find out that nothing unwanted happened. Then what?

Respectfully, I would suggest that in your situation you might consider going to a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy and who is either well trained in hypnotherapy or who will work with a hypnotherapist. That way, when you discover the truth of what happened either way, you will have a caring person there who is specifically trained to help you move into a happier and more contented future.

[advantageanesthesia]

Dear Unregistered,
I offer this tidbit of information as a Board Certified Nurse Anesthetist (anesthesia provider). While I am not an expert on the pharmacodynamics of ecstacy, I know that many tranquilizing agents(benzodiazepines) provide amnesia by blocking the minds ability to 'store' memories/information. Because the memory is not laid down in the brain in the first place, it many times cannot be recovered even with Hypnotherapy. Variables in this case would include body weight, dosage, potency, other intoxicants in the body at the time and duration of action of the agent. Because ecstacy is an illicit substance its purity and dosage cannot be gauranteed.

I would encourage you to find a hypnotherapist with which you are able to 'connect' and feel safe. Then, together you will be able to come to some resolution whether or not you are ever able to recover your memory. If you are not able to find a Hypnotherapist, then my next choice would be a Nurse Psychotherapist (Nurse Practitioner that specializes in psychotherapy) if you are uncomfortable with the idea of seeking the services of a psychologist.

Victoria Wasserman CRNA APRN CCHT
www.medhypnotherapy.com