4get2moveon

[princess deborah]

i need to get past a torturous state of mind that i have been stuck in for a year. it has to do with a relationship that is forever ending, this is the 12th year. i gave up everything i had and unfortunately learned far too late what a love addicted/love avoidant relationship was . most of the 12 years was very painful, emotional, confusing and what is left is a memory of a relationship that never was or one that could have been. the horrible fact is that i would do it again in a minute. in the meantime i am at a standstill, i do not care to do anything, in fact i am going to be without a place to live in 2 weeks but i cannot do anything about it. i have no job, i cant think straight long enough to look through a newspaper, i feel like my life is over. i want to have my memory of him completely erased but i think thats probably impossible without filling it in with something. i dont have time for the 6 years of working on myself to heal the suffering of the past 12. if anybody can suggest something other than "give it time" or "it'll get better" i would appreciate it so much. my dad is worried and thinks that hypnosis is a wonderful idea, he will be calling me in a couple of days and expects me to have some information or a plan of some kind going on. thank you!

[Merlin]

Hypnosis is an excellent tool.
Rather than erase the memories which leaves a lot of holes, a hypnotherapist can remove the emotions associated with those memories.
the memories are still there, but it's as though they were from a bad movie, no emotional charge.

[skip]

Mae West once said, "The best way to get over a man, is to get under another one." :)

It may sound flippant, and it is likely to be the furthest thing from your mind right now ...

BUT it is forward oriented, and that is key.

The more time you spend looking back, the more you stand still, while the more you look forward, the faster you move on.

Begin spending your time consdiering who the person you want to be now is, and what type of relationships, job, family, friends, and romantic ones you actually want to create for yourself.

Remember you are a work in progress, and you tend to go where your attention flows.

You indicated that you would 'go back' if it were possible. I would ask, "Would you really?", if you were assured that it would end the same way again? See what you now feel and have is the result of the relationship you 'think' you want to go back to. You just want to go back to it at a point where the 'butchers bill' hasnt yet been presented. But if you were to manage this, and some people do, they are merely postponing and increasing the eventual 'price' they must pay.

Because I can assure you, that learning the lessons from what is now causing you so much pain, is what will help prevent you from having the pain again in the future.

Hypnosis can help you.

And I know it is easy for me to say and hard for you to do, yet, but look back for the lessons and forward for what you want. Looking back and "wanting it gone" doesnt get you anywhere, and robs you of the lessons that help you prevent more of the same in the future.

"Crazy Time" Abigale Trafford, highly recommended reading for you right now. I give the book to my friends who need it, and the advice it contains to my clients.

I wish you well,

skip

[Don]

The book I recommend is How to Survive the Loss of a Love.

[Terry (existing)]

Time will not likely heal in your case, since six years has already been wasted. Sadly, hypnosis is not some magic pill we can mail you either, so you need local help. Now I am going to begin by offering a regimen, and if you feel you can't handle what I suggest you need to think again, because your attitude as well as the skill of a local practitioner is required in order for you to get what you say you want..... Your first need is a job, I might say that you need this in order to pay for the help you require, but in case daddy has money and is willing to help, I will add that getting that job and earning the needed money is all part of the required change, so no cheating. Once you have beaten the melaise you are in, you have taken the first step to helping yourself, and can now consider yourself prepared for therapy. It is at that time that you must book an apointment with a qualified practitioner, and sadly I can;t offer you help in this, you must find one you relate well to, and feel comfortable with. You should of course find out what sort of training they had as well. Now you are free to make you own choices of course, by unless you are willing to meet your therapist part way, you can expect no early results, and perhaps no results at all. All too often clients want us to do all the work as well as provide skill and knowledge, and this won;t work for either practitioner or client......

[PRINCESS DEBORAH]

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU THAT TOOK THE TIME TO ANSWER. i ACTUALLY AM BELIEVING THERE MIGHT BE A WAY I CAN CLIMB UT OF THIS. i HAVE READ THE BOOK "HOW TO SURVIVE THE LOSS ..." IT ACTUALLY SHOWED ME A LITTLE CLEARER WHERE IT HURTS. i UNDERSTAND THAT THIS CHOICE ALONE PROBABLY WON'T BE HELPING ME GROW FROM THIS AND THERE IS THE RISK OF REPEATING THE SAME PATTERNS BUT i DON'T FEEL LIKE THERE IS ALL THAT MUCH TIME LEFT. a FRIEND AND I WERE TALKING, HE'S IN THE SAME POSITION AS ME AND HAS SAID IN THE PAST HE'D DO ANYTHING TO HAVE HER BACK ETC' BUT THIS TIME HE ADDED(AS IF HE WAS SURPRISED) THAT IT IS THE FEELING HE WANTS CHANGED, THE RELATIONSHIP WAS AWFUL. I AGREE.

[Persuasion Skills]

I have seen this many times with people a good therapist will help you turn down the pain you feel, and also help you realise the downsides to this relationship, whilst giving you the hope and tools to move on

One technique, is to write down five-time you felt very in love with your partner.

Then imagine yourself sitting in a Cinema watching a film of the first memory.

Then make the film becomes smaller so the intensity is reduced, then turn it black-and-white, turn down the sound, until the emotional intensity is reduced.

Do this with all five memories, it will start to reprogram your memories.

Then remembering detail five negative experiences with your partner, when you were definitely not attracted to your partner

Again imagine your self watching this memory at a Cinema

Now take that least appealing memory and watch the movie of your memory

Now make it bigger, brighter turn up the sounds, feeling those really un-attracted feelings.

Now repeat with the four other memories until you feel you that you've had enough of them, and even the idea of thinking about them is totally unattractive.

You are reprogramming your memory so you lessen the feelings of love and bring forth the unattractive feelings, so you can begin to move on...

Hope that helps

Marc
www.persuasion-skills.co.uk (http://www.persuasion-skills.co.uk)

[princess d]

thanks for adding to my options, but...one of the things that hurt the most is the fact that there weren't any of those times after the first kiss. As bad as I may feel in any one moment, it gets worse and worse the deeper into the cold reality that everything it ever was..would be different when he got better, or more aware, or recognized my feelings or his repitition of stories or maybe if he saw me at all!(and we were together 24-7 for 10 years) Thank You. That is one of the complications that make this so difficult....this was all my hopes and dreams.not his. His dream is IMMORTALITY. Guess we're both in a bit of a spot.