Having fun, being in flow when you are sober.

[Natura]

Guys. I am social person so I go often into bars. These day I don't drink any alcohol at all and I fell I am not int the flow like when drinking if you know what I mean.

I feel border even I have things to do. Time to time I am stuck, I just sit vs when drinking there are no breaks during whole night. When drinking I talk and interact and even if there is nothing to do for a while it doesn't affect my mood. While when I am sober and there is moment when is nothing to do my mood drops.

I think NLP could help me. Any tips what to look for?

[Poodle]

what would happen if you did not go into a bar, but perhaps a sporting club instead or perhaps an athletic club or any other place where people tend to gather or even a place for tea or coffee? :)

Years ago I thought I could not dance well without one beer. Guess what? It was a limiting and negative belief on MY part. I dance GREAT WITHOUT A BEER.

Pood

[Apsinthion]

Yes, it sounds like NLP can help you! It also sounds like YOU can help you! Though I have a few questions, if you don't mind ...

1) are bars the only place that social people go? Where else might you find people who share the same values as you?

2) what do you gain by being a non-drinker in a drinking establishment?

3) can you imagine a time when you DID have the flow? what was it like? how did you know you had it? Trusting your unconscious mind to know, what image of an animal, plant or object comes to mind to represent that FLOW?

...

I remember one time that my leg broke in an accident and I got to wear a cast for months. At first, it was kind of fun because people gave me lots of attention and I didn't have to particpate in gym class. It was also interesting to see that during the time I had the cast, it gave me a chance to be social in a different way, because of all this new attention. Pretty soon, however, I was ready to move on with my life. And I experienced something like sadness and a little fear that I wouldn't stand out anymore or cute girls wouldn't talk to me! But the cast had to come off, and it did, and I found it was difficult to walk for awhile while my body relearned to balance, and my muscles regrew to support me. And believe me, I wanted that crutch back at times!

And would you know, the most suprising thing about it? I was a different person on the other side of that cast! More confident, MORE social then I was before, and most of all, more aware of the difficulties of others ... I could honestly relate to them, and because of that, it made connecting with others easier because there WAS something to connect about. And that was being human ;)

Not that having a crutch is anything like drinking to be social, of course! But I'm sure your unconscious mind is already discovering many things you didn't know you knew ...

[Natura]

Yes, it sounds like NLP can help you! It also sounds like YOU can help you! Though I have a few questions, if you don't mind ...

1) are bars the only place that social people go? Where else might you find people who share the same values as you?

2) what do you gain by being a non-drinker in a drinking establishment?

3) can you imagine a time when you DID have the flow? what was it like? how did you know you had it? Trusting your unconscious mind to know, what image of an animal, plant or object comes to mind to represent that FLOW?

...

I remember one time that my leg broke in an accident and I got to wear a cast for months. At first, it was kind of fun because people gave me lots of attention and I didn't have to particpate in gym class. It was also interesting to see that during the time I had the cast, it gave me a chance to be social in a different way, because of all this new attention. Pretty soon, however, I was ready to move on with my life. And I experienced something like sadness and a little fear that I wouldn't stand out anymore or cute girls wouldn't talk to me! But the cast had to come off, and it did, and I found it was difficult to walk for awhile while my body relearned to balance, and my muscles regrew to support me. And believe me, I wanted that crutch back at times!

And would you know, the most suprising thing about it? I was a different person on the other side of that cast! More confident, MORE social then I was before, and most of all, more aware of the difficulties of others ... I could honestly relate to them, and because of that, it made connecting with others easier because there WAS something to connect about. And that was being human ;)

Not that having a crutch is anything like drinking to be social, of course! But I'm sure your unconscious mind is already discovering many things you didn't know you knew ...


1) are bars the only place that social people go? Where else might you find people who share the same values as you?

No, but I love to go to bars.

2) what do you gain by being a non-drinker in a drinking establishment?
What do I gain by not drinking?
Many things. I can sleep better, I am save money, I protect my health etc

3) can you imagine a time when you DID have the flow? what was it like? how did you know you had it? Trusting your unconscious mind to know, what image of an animal, plant or object comes to mind to represent that FLOW?


I have last time when I was drinking. I was acting similiar. I was talking to many people, flirting with girls but difference was that it really didn't matter if I was talking to someone or if I didn't have something to do. I still enjoyed the time. It doesn't matter much to me about why I was talking about. Much more topics were interesting.
About that image probably river. River is just floating constantly. It has some to overcome some barriers like rocks but it does it easily. Rocks means in my case the times when I there is I am not doing something interesting. When I drink I can overcome it easily like a river.

[Apsinthion]

I have last time when I was drinking. I was acting similiar. I was talking to many people, flirting with girls but difference was that it really didn't matter if I was talking to someone or if I didn't have something to do. I still enjoyed the time. It doesn't matter much to me about why I was talking about. Much more topics were interesting.
About that image probably river. River is just floating constantly. It has some to overcome some barriers like rocks but it does it easily. Rocks means in my case the times when I there is I am not doing something interesting. When I drink I can overcome it easily like a river.

And just out of curiousity, trusting your unconscious mind to know ... what image of an animal, plant or object comes to mind that represents for you how you are when your mood drops and you start to feel stuck?

[Poodle]

You LOVE to go to bars even though you do not drink. What specifically is it about bars that you LOVE? Do people use tobacco products in the bars where you live? Do you LOVE to breathe nasty old smokey polluted air? Do you LOVE what we call "barfly's"? Do the bars have music and you LOVE to dance? What specifically is the attraction to the bars that other places in your belief system are nonexistant?

Your symbols take you back to being a drinker of alcoholic beverages. Would you go inside and remember a time when you conversed well and had fun BEFORE entering a bar or having an alcoholic drink?

Aps gave you a very good and true little metaphor. One cannot stand on a leg that has been in a cast. Those casts are not much fun in reality -- impossible to take a bath and difficult for a shower and ohhhh, how they can itch inside and impossible to scratch. Go to a concert and there is no place for your leg. They may even be worse on a long airplane flight because I covered 2/3 of the USA, across the ocean to southern Europe and had to see everything on crutches. I was stuck in the back of the bus as that was the only place my leg would fit. In Spain I was called "La Cojita Bonita". Did I want to be the pretty crippled person? There were some places in Europe and Africa that just are crutch unfriendly. What a joy to be rid of those miserable crutches and that cast even though they may have represented security at the time it was much more fun to learn how to walk and run again and be free to do what I want to do when I want to do it in healthy ways for me.

Your images are also off as rivers CARVE their paths through rock. Does this then mean that you really want to drink? Perhaps you have deleted something in your life that was unhealthy for you and left an blank or empty place. What could you put there that would make you extraordinarily happy and satisfied? I highly suspect you know what it is.

Pood

[Natura]

You LOVE to go to bars even though you do not drink. What specifically is it about bars that you LOVE? Do people use tobacco products in the bars where you live? Do you LOVE to breathe nasty old smokey polluted air? Do you LOVE what we call "barfly's"? Do the bars have music and you LOVE to dance? What specifically is the attraction to the bars that other places in your belief system are nonexistant?

Your symbols take you back to being a drinker of alcoholic beverages. Would you go inside and remember a time when you conversed well and had fun BEFORE entering a bar or having an alcoholic drink?

Aps gave you a very good and true little metaphor. One cannot stand on a leg that has been in a cast. Those casts are not much fun in reality -- impossible to take a bath and difficult for a shower and ohhhh, how they can itch inside and impossible to scratch. Go to a concert and there is no place for your leg. They may even be worse on a long airplane flight because I covered 2/3 of the USA, across the ocean to southern Europe and had to see everything on crutches. I was stuck in the back of the bus as that was the only place my leg would fit. In Spain I was called "La Cojita Bonita". Did I want to be the pretty crippled person? There were some places in Europe and Africa that just are crutch unfriendly. What a joy to be rid of those miserable crutches and that cast even though they may have represented security at the time it was much more fun to learn how to walk and run again and be free to do what I want to do when I want to do it in healthy ways for me.

Your images are also off as rivers CARVE their paths through rock. Does this then mean that you really want to drink? Perhaps you have deleted something in your life that was unhealthy for you and left an blank or empty place. What could you put there that would make you extraordinarily happy and satisfied? I highly suspect you know what it is.

Pood

What specifically is it about bars that you LOVE?
I love that there womans who want to have some fun(don't judge, I respect women).

Do people use tobacco products in the bars where you live? Do you LOVE to breathe nasty old smokey polluted air?
Yes they smoke there, but I don't mind even that I don't smoke. I got use to it.

Do you LOVE what we call "barfly's"?
If they are friendly and funny and not too drunk. I like tham.

Do the bars have music and you LOVE to dance?
Bars aren't dance clubs so music isn't loud there. If you ask about dance club then I don't visit dance clubs.

What specifically is the attraction to the bars that other places in your belief system are nonexistant?
Woman who are drinking and want some fun. You got woman in dance clubs too but I don't like dance clubs. Music is too loud there and I don't dance much.
Woman are on street and in shops too but for different purpose than when they go out to bar on friday night.

Would you go inside and remember a time when you conversed well and had fun BEFORE entering a bar or having an alcoholic drink?
This is hard one. Most of my time I am at home. When I go out to meet people I am in bar and there I remember to have good conversation only when I had few beers. But two day ago I visite my friends. She is girl I am not attracted to here so I didn't go there to flirt. I remember that I have pretty much good conversation with her. From there I hardly remember trully.


One cannot stand on a leg that has been in a cast....
I don't understand the point of that story. Please can you explain it to me more clearly?

Your images are also off as rivers CARVE their paths through rock. Does this then mean that you really want to drink?
I don't want to drink I just want feel similiar like when I am drinking. There is too much cons to drink.

Perhaps you have deleted something in your life that was unhealthy for you and left an blank or empty place. What could you put there that would make you extraordinarily happy and satisfied? I highly suspect you know what it is.
By something unhealthy I suppose you mean alcholok drinks, or drinking in bars. What I could put there? Something more healthy - nonalcohol drinks. Except of drinking alcohol I will drink tea for example. Is that what you mean?


PS: I really apprieciate your help.

[Natura]

And just out of curiousity, trusting your unconscious mind to know ... what image of an animal, plant or object comes to mind that represents for you how you are when your mood drops and you start to feel stuck?

It would be probly food. It like eating food which has no taste. You are eating food(interacting with others) but is has no taste at all(no fun). It like the food has not salt at all, like I stop using salt(beers) and now it doesn't taste good.

[Apsinthion]

One cannot stand on a leg that has been in a cast....
I don't understand the point of that story. Please can you explain it to me more clearly?

Your drinking was a crutch for poor social skills, and now that you are not drinking, you are looking for another fast-cure like NLP to replace the drinking, when really what you need to do is practice socializing (i.e. walking without the crutch) :rolleyes:

[Apsinthion]

It would be probly food. It like eating food which has no taste. You are eating food(interacting with others) but is has no taste at all(no fun). It like the food has not salt at all, like I stop using salt(beers) and now it doesn't taste good.

Is drinking the only spice you have in your cabinet? There are many foods in this world which don't require salt, and many are naturally salty themselves. My mother has a low sodium diet, in fact, and she ran into the same problem as you ... she didn't know what to eat anymore! What did she do? She went out and got a low-sodium cookbook and is now happier then ever ;)

[Poodle]

We have a saying on this Forum started a long time ago by Don -- PERFECT PRACTICE. I have no doubt that Natura does have excellent people skills (or did at one time) but is just unaware of them....out of reach of conscious mind.

NLP can easily build these or uncover them. Maybe it's a little bit like when I was a child I was told that "children should be seen and not heard". Guess who grew up without a lot to say???? Thankfully NLP cleared that up too.

Natura - when I wrote go INSIDE -- I meant for you to go inside of your own mind for the answer instead of inside of a house or other establishment. Search for the answer within YOU! What FEELING can you find or self-confidence can you find that you have had before that will replace the alcohol and even be better and better and better. I know it was there at some time in your life.

May I also offer a hearty congratulations to a young man who refuses to drink alcohol and is now willing to be healthy! Well done my friend. We now need that "feeling" that you had once upon a time to be found and reinstalled. This is about as close as I can get here without doing NLP. NLP is not therapy. It is just teaching you how to use your own mind and I suspect you have a fine mind.

[Natura]

Your drinking was a crutch for poor social skills, and now that you are not drinking, you are looking for another fast-cure like NLP to replace the drinking, when really what you need to do is practice socializing (i.e. walking without the crutch) :rolleyes:


Practice socializing ? Why? I don't have problem to talk with people. I am sure I am above eaverage in it but I don't enjoy it that much. Is not much fun.

[Natura]

Is drinking the only spice you have in your cabinet? There are many foods in this world which don't require salt, and many are naturally salty themselves. My mother has a low sodium diet, in fact, and she ran into the same problem as you ... she didn't know what to eat anymore! What did she do? She went out and got a low-sodium cookbook and is now happier then ever ;)

What else I can do? That what I am looking for. I am just reading Awakining Giant Withing, so there are some ideas like write everything which make me feel good.

[Poodle]

You found a book you are enjoying. Can you now find new friends with whom to discuss this type of book. Perhaps friends like you have here that are interested in self-improvement.

I've found even a better book for you. It's "Get The Life You Want" -- The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming by Richard Bandler. I'm sure pages 164-172 will be life changing for you BUT you need to read from the beginning to understand what are those specific things he talks about because in NLP we have our own "language".

I believe your English is good enough to understand it all and if you have a question about a word or two, you can always ask here.

It's available on Amazon or about any other site and it only costs US$20 or perhaps you can find it used for less. :)

[Natura]

You found a book you are enjoying. Can you now find new friends with whom to discuss this type of book. Perhaps friends like you have here that are interested in self-improvement.

I've found even a better book for you. It's "Get The Life You Want" -- The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming by Richard Bandler. I'm sure pages 164-172 will be life changing for you BUT you need to read from the beginning to understand what are those specific things he talks about because in NLP we have our own "language".

I believe your English is good enough to understand it all and if you have a question about a word or two, you can always ask here.

It's available on Amazon or about any other site and it only costs US$20 or perhaps you can find it used for less. :)

Can't say I have respect you both for your time. I am looking forward to look at this thread after I will see more into this hole thing. I am pretty much sure I could get much more from it.

[skip]

Natura,

I have red the thread and would like to ask you a question or two just to clarify in my own mind what you want.


I understand that at one time you went to bars, drank, socialized, and generally had a good time ...

Now you are going to bars, socializing, without drinking, and you are not having quite as good a time as you once did.

Is that correct?

And that you have no trouble socializing, and interacting with the people, but what seems to be missing, is not getting drunk, but a relaxed, pleasant, perhaps mildly euphoric feeling you had when you drank and socialized?

Is that correct?

Skip

[Natura]

Natura,

I have red the thread and would like to ask you a question or two just to clarify in my own mind what you want.


I understand that at one time you went to bars, drank, socialized, and generally had a good time ...

Now you are going to bars, socializing, without drinking, and you are not having quite as good a time as you once did.

Is that correct?

And that you have no trouble socializing, and interacting with the people, but what seems to be missing, is not getting drunk, but a relaxed, pleasant, perhaps mildly euphoric feeling you had when you drank and socialized?

Is that correct?

Skip
Yes, exactly.

[skip]

Then this is something many competent hypnotists and or NLPers could easily help you with. Take about 1/2 to one hour depending on NLP or hypnosis.

You could concievably accomplish this yourself.

Recall the feeling you once had, the desirable one, when you were using alcohol. And realize it isnt the alcohol that was doing it, it was your bodys reaction to the alcohol that you liked.

And since it was your body doing it, it can do it again.

Anytime it wants to.

Just like you do in day dreams and night dreams, you can have fully realistic experiences exactly as if they were real life.

OK?


So recall particularly good time, when everything was 'just right' for you. And enter fully into that recollection. let your memory and imagination go such that you literally re-experience, that 'perfect time'.

Notice what you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell, as you re-experiece this fully.

Now break this state and take a deep breath, and think about being in a bar and socializing, and then fully recall the good feeling again.

Do it fully and take the time you need to really get fully into the feeling as you imagine being in the bar.

Fully.

Then stop, take a deep breath, and repeat,

Keep doing this, imagining going to a bar and then deliberately recalling all those good feelings, and continuing to feel those good feelings until you decide to leave the bar, and beyond ... until you notice that when you think about stepping into a bar, any bar, your feelings automatically take off, and you feel the wonderful feeling that you wanted to.

What you are doing is deliberately conditioning your neurology to associate going to a bar with those good feelings. And it wont take long for your neurology to get the hint and automatically do this, so you dont have to deliberately.

When that happens, congratulate yourself, you have just created a new habit. One that operate unconsciously.

Now imagine yourself going into a bar tomorrow and feel those feelings, and then one next week, and next month and even next year. Each time still feeling and socializing in a relaxed, comfortable, slightly euphoric, manner.

The better you imagine those remembered feelings the better your new habit will be.

Enjoy and consider what else you can use this for.

skip

[Natura]

Then this is something many competent hypnotists and or NLPers could easily help you with. Take about 1/2 to one hour depending on NLP or hypnosis.

You could concievably accomplish this yourself.

Recall the feeling you once had, the desirable one, when you were using alcohol. And realize it isnt the alcohol that was doing it, it was your bodys reaction to the alcohol that you liked.

And since it was your body doing it, it can do it again.

Anytime it wants to.

Just like you do in day dreams and night dreams, you can have fully realistic experiences exactly as if they were real life.

OK?


So recall particularly good time, when everything was 'just right' for you. And enter fully into that recollection. let your memory and imagination go such that you literally re-experience, that 'perfect time'.

Notice what you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell, as you re-experiece this fully.

Now break this state and take a deep breath, and think about being in a bar and socializing, and then fully recall the good feeling again.

Do it fully and take the time you need to really get fully into the feeling as you imagine being in the bar.

Fully.

Then stop, take a deep breath, and repeat,

Keep doing this, imagining going to a bar and then deliberately recalling all those good feelings, and continuing to feel those good feelings until you decide to leave the bar, and beyond ... until you notice that when you think about stepping into a bar, any bar, your feelings automatically take off, and you feel the wonderful feeling that you wanted to.

What you are doing is deliberately conditioning your neurology to associate going to a bar with those good feelings. And it wont take long for your neurology to get the hint and automatically do this, so you dont have to deliberately.

When that happens, congratulate yourself, you have just created a new habit. One that operate unconsciously.

Now imagine yourself going into a bar tomorrow and feel those feelings, and then one next week, and next month and even next year. Each time still feeling and socializing in a relaxed, comfortable, slightly euphoric, manner.

The better you imagine those remembered feelings the better your new habit will be.

Enjoy and consider what else you can use this for.

skip

Great post, have you thank you all guys, you are awesome :)

[JACKO]

thank you Skip.

If this person follows your advice he will grow.

thank you once again.

jacko