The thin line

[moe]

Hi there
I was wondering, how can someone who's been having a low self esteem , and improving , avoid going all the way to another extreme


where does the thin line stands ,
between being positive about the mistakes you make and not having destructive guilt ,and being careless about your actions

between not letting people affect you , and not caring for what they say/think even if it's valuable
between having high self esteem , energy , and being aggressive
between having confidence in yourself , and being arrogant



I understand this is variable with respect to the person , and the environment they're in , what's appropriate in a community might be insulting in another

but surely ( at least I think so ) there's a way that will help you not go to the other edge of the negative behavior you've been having ( in your opinion )
or you just go back and forth , till you reach a satisfying balance ?

[Simple Guy]

Moe,

The opposite of low self-esteem isn't a negative state. It's rooted in
a healthy sense of self. It allows for balance and consideration of
the feelings and viewpoints of others. Healthy self-regard does
not equal callousness or self-centeredness. :)

[skip]

I love this.

"I have low self esteem." That means, among other things, when I think about doing something, I hallucinate a future where I will likely fail, and this prevents me from attempting it.

So here is someone who says they have low self esteem, who IS doing something about it, and IS having some success.

So what do they do?

They project that success out into their future and then constru it in such a way as to make it undesirable.

Patterns.

So they accurately calibrated to their enviornment to determine that they indeed had low self esteem. And they figured out how to do something about it. And they accurately calibrated to their enviornment to monitor their progress.

Now they assume that when further successful they will no longer be able to make that same calibration, about how they are interacting with others, and adjust accordingly just as they already must be doing, in order to have the success they are having.

Get where you want to go first, then worry about fixing it, if there is something about it you dont like. It may never come up, and it isnt a problem unless it both does and you dont like it.

Forget about the mule going blind, load the wagon!

skip

[moe]

Simple Guy
this can be true for some examples yes , but for instance going from hesitant , to taking too much risky decisions , what I was looking for is the thin line in between

Skip
you have a very good point indeed and this might have been happening
I'll give it some more thought before answering
maybe this what's really happening and I'm not aware of it.

an outsider's eye is a valuable gift!

Thanks!

[skip]

Moe,

Everyone has past successes and failures. Everyone.

But some people have good self images and others poor ones.

And it all boils down to a feeling they get when they think about themselves, or about their chances of succeeding at doing something.

Typically people with low self esteem, look back on their past, and they remember their failures more than successes. When they think about trying to do something, they look to their past and see themselves failing at similar things, they project that failure out into their future and consequently feel bad about their prospects this time. When asked how they view themselves, they have poor images, and their self talk is generally very negative.

People who have good self images, think about their past and they recall successes. They think about doing something and they recall similar things in which they were successful. When asked about themselves they have good images and their self talk is generally positive.

It has nothing to do with actual history!

It has everything to do with a learned pattern of behavior. And you can deliberately practice recalling successes. Think about five different things you were successful at doing. Do that and notice how good you feel about yourself as a result. Do that a lot and you will change the pattern, and feel good about yourself all the time.

Who in the world would want to do that!

Do the same with when you think about doing something. Deliberately think about doing something and then recall five times you successfully did sonething. Now how do you feel about doing that thing?

Self esteem is a response you are having to behavior you are doing subjectively. You can learn to do new subjective behavior if you want to.

skip

[Simple Guy]

Moe,

A move from hesitant to competent/confident does not usually entail
walking any "thin line." Competent/confident does not equal excessive
risk taking. When feeling less than secure in one's abilities, it is
understandable that even a move to greater ability can be seen as
trepeditious, like walking a tightrope, or thin line. People get used to
feeling the way that they have. They sometimes don't know what it is like to
feel better than they do. But, when they prudently move forward,
they tend to get used to the forward progression. There is a comfort
level, in both situations. The latter though is more rewarding.

Forward progression is a learning experience; an experienced
hypnotherapist can be a valuable resource in this.

[designedmind]

That line is as thick or as thin as you make it, buster. If you are steadily modifying yourself out of LSE, then you are already embodying the perspective of the balance you seek, you are just influencing the patterns you realize to obey your direction. A part of low self esteem is tied into fear. Now that you are displacing the fears related to low self esteem you are being challenged to another fear -- perhaps low self esteem itself was just how you responded to the emotional state of fear (or the threat of feeling fear) and it is this attitude that you are addressing.

Can you be completely honest with yourself about how you are in the face of fear?

Experiencing this alone may be all that you need.


-----

My reasoning for the above (which i would appreciate input on from you guys) is that the ISE (initial sensitizing event) itself is irrelevent, it is the initial sensitizing STATE that is what matters to your experience, and that by seeking to explore and potentially reframe how one responds to this state may take away the cognitive block that is in place to protect you from it because you will no longer percieve it as a threat that you would rather avoid confronting. Since he is already taking steps to counter the emergent phenomena from this block (low self esteem) perhaps this is signifying that he is ready to move on (although his fear of the thin line may perpetuate according to the astute posts above)

[Simple Guy]

Hi Designedmind,

You ask for input on reasoning. Any comments on your reasoning as it
may or may not pertain to the original poster, could possibly interfere
with any hypnotherapy that he may choose to obtain. This board
does not provide therapy and it is also best not to use what people say
as a case study in issues--when doing so might disadvantage them.
Suggestion: raise whatever questions you have about initial sensitizing
events, etc., in a general manner without reference to anyone -- as
a new thread. Thanks for your understanding.

[Shlomo_NLP]

first you need to decide what it is that you want...

we cannot be "high self esteem" at each and every minute. and you cannot be nasty towards other people ALL the time, you'd be lonely quite fast.

the thing is, that no one knows what is the line for you, and I doubt if I know the line for me... I just monitor the results I get and push a little bit more each time I need to.

in other words - I get excited when it's worth it. with no extremes, there's little to say about drama in life and we need some of it too.