Smoker Client - related to "fix it"

[Connie]

Hi, guys!

I have a situation, which is bugging me. So, I'm turning to you for opinions/expertise. I have a client who came to me for several things, several of which were handled very successfully (such as sports improvement). I've also worked with him on smoking cessation.

He's been successful! Up to a point. Months at a time. But then, something happens (he's seeing another therapist--not a hypnotist, not a nelper) for "depression." He'll have a "depressive episode" triggered by any number of things, and then he goes and gets one cigarette. He smokes it. Then, he decides--"well, that's it! I'm off the program! I'll just go to see Connie and she'll fix me." He resumes smoking.

So, he's come back a couple times, and we "fix" it. Again. But..I'm feeling uncomfortable. He's not being empowered, though all my suggestions/help is designed for him to feel so. It's not about me fixing him, it's about him helping himself permanently. I'm working in every way I can think of to become redundant. Useless. I want him to not need me. To leave. Forever. As far as the smoking problem goes... I'm putting in the ideas of permanence, long term success, himself as 100% tobacco free, craving busters, and also recovery strategies to not beat himself up if he slips and to keep on going...

Still he keeps coming back to me. He doesn't care about the money (he's well off), and I think part of him just likes me and finds the hypnotic experience so pleasant he wants more. I'm also wondering what his other therapist may or may not be reinstalling in him.

Shall I stop seeing him, because he's clearly got this idea that it's OK to smoke because Connie will just "fix me" again...????

Ideas?

(PS: I love you guys!)

[Don]

This is an absolutely great post, Connie! Thank you.

I can only share what I think and what I'd do. YMMV.

1) I would tell client that it's possible that you (Connie) and the other therapist are not in harmony and you'd like to talk with the other therapist so all three of you (you, the other therapist and the client) are working together for the client's overall benefit. Get written permission to contact and discuss the case. Then talk with the other therapist about what he/she is doing.

2) My guess is that you've done a great job with smoking cessation per se. That's why he keeps coming back to you. Further, I'd guess that smoking as a response to another behavior (something with depression), indicates that smoking has (or also has) a secondary benefit. That is, I also see smoking as possibly being a secondary issue and that to make sure the primary issue doesn't result in the manifestation of the secondary issue (smoking), I would consider getting rid of decisions and emotions of the primary issue.

3) If you have not done so already, offer a "special" training in self-hypnosis so he can enter the state any time he wants to. If you have a CD with you leading an induction with general positive suggestions or generic smoke free suggestions, you might offer it to him, too.

If these suggestions don't help directly, perhaps they'll lead you or someone else to more appropriate solutions.

[Connie]

Thanks for the reply, Don! I like your first suggestion, which I had not explored (yet). I did give the client a CD that I had made for smoking cessation, but to my knowledge he has not listened to it. :p

I know I could help him with his feelings of sadness and unhappiness (I don't treat depression), but he has clearly stated that he's happy with his progress on those issues with his other therapist(s)...I think he's seeing more than one! Ethically, I can't do anything there unless he agrees, and I've been working on making those suggestions (consciously) that I'd like to do so. He had a very abusive childhood. As of now, he doesn't want me to go there.

He also has in his mind this idea that a therapist is a "long term relationship."--I'm sure the other therapists have plugged that one into him long and hard... I've worked on that with him consciously as well, explaining that what I do is a brief therapy and the goal is self-empowerment for him.

[Docresults]

Thanks for the reply, Don! I like your first suggestion, which I had not explored (yet). I did give the client a CD that I had made for smoking cessation, but to my knowledge he has not listened to it. :p

I know I could help him with his feelings of sadness and unhappiness (I don't treat depression), but he has clearly stated that he's happy with his progress on those issues with his other therapist(s)...I think he's seeing more than one! Ethically, I can't do anything there unless he agrees, and I've been working on making those suggestions (consciously) that I'd like to do so. He had a very abusive childhood. As of now, he doesn't want me to go there.

He also has in his mind this idea that a therapist is a "long term relationship."--I'm sure the other therapists have plugged that one into him long and hard... I've worked on that with him consciously as well, explaining that what I do is a brief therapy and the goal is self-empowerment for him.

Connie,

Along with the excellent suggestions Don provided you may also consider something along the lines of discussing the pattern that has been developed...

1) Free from smoke
2) See therapist
3) trigger feelings labeled depression
4) smoke ONE cigarette
5) Decide _____ start habit again
6) See Connie to stop

Ask client consciously how many time does he think or suspect he will go through the above pattern until he stops smoking for good. Take what ever number the client presents, get unconscious agreement or get the correct number from the unconscious and then have the unconscious run through the pattern until #3 doesn't trigger #4 or #4 doesn't trigger #5 (if it where me I'd create a generative change machine to clear (reframe) all the less than useful emotions so the client could use them instead of cope or run from them and I'd build in the feeling of satisfactory completion of long-term relationships which would clear #2.

One possible... Pattern interrupt between #3 and #4 or at the beginning of #3 to an anchor chain that as soon as the feeling of _____ (labels used to describe depression) fires off an anchor chain to goes in a more useful direction.

Another... Find out from clients the strategy (sub-modality process) between #3 and #4 ... Find the strategy (Sub-modality) relaxed, resourceful, assured and anchor in the new strategy.

To Your Best,
Doc Houston

[Poodle]

I'd do Bandler's "Walk Through Time". It's fun and his UC mind gets to pick 5 resources to replace the cigs. Remember: He knows more why he is doing this than we ever will so let him solve it. You don't even have to ask what resources he chooses...just shoot them through the time line. I specifically enjoy laughing a lot with this and also use Bandler's words: "Who says trance has to be boring, BRAAAha ha ha ha ha". Whoop it up and have FUN!!

Should work perfectly with only one but let's give him suggested FIVE.

1. He is solving his own little habit
2. The trance session is totally changing from sweet, lovely Connie to a
Bandler Connie
3. Before you begin tell him you charge triple for time line work as it is the absolute ultimate.

4. Tell him he has been wonderful to work with and to be sure to come back if he has any other different behaviors he would like to work on some time in the future if ever. Be the first to congratulate him on being a permanent nonsmoker.

It will work and people absolutely amaze themselves by solving things themselves. We only facilitate. :cool:

Should this fail, you will have to do Parts Therapy. I don't think it will.

[Connie]

Thanks, guys! Food for thought!!! I'm hoping (this last time) that he doesn't come back. But if he does, I'm loading up my arsenal. :)

[Terry]

Connie, you didn't mention it, so I presume that you did not find the hot button that caused him to start smoking in the first place. This, in spite of him being able to control the urge and not smoke for a time, still leaves a weakness, to which he resorts in times of stress...It might be better at present to give him an alternative weakness to depend on at these times, so that his health at least is protected.
I confess I would in your place be tempted to probe his thinking processes as a researcher rather than treat the problem directly. He seems to have a need for crutches, and I would be wondering why.

[Connie]

Hot button? He began smoking in college, and it was for "fun." Casual. Parties. He thought it made him socially acceptable.

Perhaps I should also mention that when he first came to me he told me that he had quit on his own at least "a dozen times." If I work with him again, I'm also going to elicit his convincer strategy for knowing he has long term success in something and plug that in in regards to not smoking.

[Don]

Terry re-emphasized what I was trying to say. Your response indicates that he may not have revealed the actual point of making a decision to smoke. Therefore, if you clear the cause of party Z, he might just revert to the real cause at party A. Clear the events at party Y and he still has party A. Try Time Line to remove cause and all events that led up to the cause.

I also think you've been hinting around an alternative to what may be going on here. He's getting a secondary gain: if he starts smoking again, he gets to see Connie. Seeing Connie is wonderful! Therefore, given the slightest excuse, he'll start smoking again.

A possible way to get him to move ahead and stop smoking for good: Tell him that hypnotherapy produces permanent change, and you regret that you've been unable to produce this working with him. It would be unfair to keep taking his money for something that isn't working, so you'll be glad to see him for other issues, but you'll refer him out for smoking issues.

[Merlin]

I just got back.
what's left to say?
Great advice given.

[MrDigital]

I go to the gym and train like a gladiator and eat like a spartan... for a few months then something happens and I train like a couch potato and eat like a pig...

Parts integration...

Maybe a possibility... just a train of thought...

MrD

[Poodle]

beat ya to it.

[skip]

OK,

For the next month your assignment is to eat like a pig, and train like a couch potato.

And I mean do it well.

Then we will see ...

skip