Forgetting the Ex Love...

[Dumani]

This time i am looking for the ebst thing for myself. We suddenly finished the relation-ship with my gf. I love her and she loved me I belive. But it finished because of my anger. I am the reason. I now want to use some NLP techniques. I always think if she is with someone else at the moment. When I think like this i become mad. What should you prefer? What should I exactly do for myself?

I appreciate your answers.

Regards,

[TaffyE]

If your anger is the real problem, get help with that first, then look into disconecting the emotion involved.
I would suggest finding a good practitioner to help, IMO it would be quicker than a "self help" route

[neta1o]

The anger is only because you still had feelings for her. You have been kind before, you have the ability to be kind.



Bandler suggested a good method for getting over a girlfriend/wife etc...



Disassociate with the good memories, move all good memories away, make them small and black and white, disappear, forget them forever



Associate with the bad memories, remind yourself of why you’re better off without her, think of the things that you didn't like and the times that you weren't happy with her. Annoying habits, pointless fights, incompatibilities, nagging, etc...Imagine movies of yourself in those situations, color, big, bright, hear the sounds and feel the feelings. You never have to experience those situations again.





Finally, think of all the opportunities out there. Everywhere you go there are new women to meet, new opportunities to take, and exciting experiences waiting for you to take them.



Sorry for the rambling, (Tylenol pm) I’m going to bed now

[kunoichi_doctor22]

May i say something?

I'm 20 years old now...when i was 17 i met this canadian guy whom i thought was incredibly sweet..we then got into a relationship and a almost a year later we decided to get married. I'm muslim and he wasn't..i tried running away with him because my family didn't approve of him. I was extremely happy with him. My mother told me she was sick because of a nodule on her thyroid gland. I was studying in England at that time and i decided to visit my mother before i run off. Bad move because my family somewhat set me up. They told me that the man i'm about to marry isn't who i think he is..and that he's a fake because he's not as old as he said he is..basically my relationship with him was based on a lie.

I told him to call me so that he can prove my family wrong but he never called. My family also told me that he was a pedophile who wanted me for prostitution and other stuff. They hired a detective to find out what he's like. I got in contact with him a couple of months ago and asked him if it was all true. He told me that my family are lying and that he tried to get in touch with me again by my friends. He also said that he never called because he didn't want to get me into trouble. He also mentioned that he has a gf who would actually die for him..I almost got my back broken trying to defend my relationship with him. He also said that we always argued and that i only loved him because i was seeking it and because i wanted to get away from my family since they're so strict. My mother found out that i've talked to him again and made me promise to never contact him..and so i did.

I'm suffering from extreme depression and i've tried commiting suicide several times but i just can't do it. My brothers hardly trust me now and i honestly don't trust myself. I'm against marriage and i haven't had interest in a guy for over 2 years now. I hate men to be honest and i hate women more..I hate it when a guy flirts with me. My family have been trying to convince me that not all men are bad but I just refuse to believe that. My hormones are extremely unbalanced because of depression and i don't felt like studying anymore because i just can't stop thinking of him. I told my parents to take me to see a psychiatrist but where i come from (Kuwait) people here would think you're crazy and so your reputation would go down the drain. Honestly i don't care about that but my dad does and he refuses to let me see one. After finding out that my hormones are not right, my mom suggested that i should wait until i get them functioning properly because that might be the reason why I'm so depressed.
Another thing is that I have an extremely RAGING temper..I can't stand anyone anymore. When i was 15, i was so cold and ignored any insults from anyone. Now i can't take it but i never yell at people, I take the anger out on myself. I have a double personality...infront of people, i'm incedibly sweet, shy and hardly ever speak. At home, i'm as if possessed by satan. I just don't know what to do anymore and i feel like i'm going to die at a very young age because i just turned 20. I'm so confused because i don't know who's telling me the truth, my ex or my family :(

[Buster M]

You are young and confused, which makes you perfectly normal in every respect. So, relax. Relax and begin listening more to yourself, and less to your family and others. All the answers you desire are there, within your own mind and heart. Your depression may be a signal that your spirit is lonely; lonely for you, not for others. So let your shoulders fall, your sadness slide away, and love yourself as you deserve to be loved.

[kunoichi_doctor22]

easy said than done..i tried loving myself but i can't..everyone tells me that i'm a very pretty girl..i don't see myself that way...i hate the way i am..i hate everything about myself. I agree with you on the lonely part and i've tried to communicate with my family but they just drive me away..they do things that really makes me angry and when i do sit by myself to think then they get angry. They say i'm always alone. I don't really know how to please them and help myself at the same time. I'm always being compared with others..especially when it comes to university. I don't have any real friends since every friend i had wanted me for my brain and not for who i am. I'm not even allowed to hang out with my other friends..which is why some of them left me because my family are so strict. Thanks for the advice though and I'll try to do what you suggested.

[Buster M]

You will be ok, little fighter. You have a strong spirit, which will serve you well. But, don't dismiss what I said earlier. Love yourself as you deserve to be loved. That is the key. Yes, it is hard work at times, but that is life for everyone. Trust me, you are not alone. You are just lonely today.

[Dumani]

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear that. I am also muslim and I don't care about religions. To win yourself back you have to believe this first. I think you have some bad anchors. I was the same with you. Whoever I meet I would remember my ex-gf. After I completed my practitioner training. I found a perfect way to fight with this. This still helps me. And I am asking for help here because I believe that there is something wrong with my Anger and I want to STOP this and I believe that I can. I have asked my ex gf if you tell me not to call you because I love you I will not. And you will see that I am the man of my promise. There is something here. I have to leave this because sometimes you just go away for your love. If you love him/her you should go away sometimes. You don't need to be together. I had a lot of relationships and when I finish I was thinking that this was the end. I will not be able to love someone again. And now I know that was totally wrong. That was the emotion I was having. I am relax now because I know I am good. I have asked for help because I want everything happens automaticaly. Our parents always wishes to best for us. Maybe you should let them see the correct. If he's not muslim, it's okay.

Be yourself. Everything you need is in your mind. There is no two part with you. I don't believe in this. People says that I love this guy but my mind says to get away from him. This is not correct. Everything happens in your mind. Your heart, your feelings... And everything is happening in your mind. Just talk to your mind. And tell her to open herself to the real-world. You know you can do this. You loved once and you know you will do this again.

Regards

[kunoichi_doctor22]

Thanks for the advices. My mom says that it isn't in our customs and traditions to marry a foreigner..well for women that is..men can marry whoever they want. My parents are not racists but my brothers don't like the idea about me being with a foreigner...they have a hard time trying to decide who the good guys are in the families in my country. I keep telling myself that i don't want to get hurt again or feel the pain i felt or hurt anyone anymore and so i decided not to get involved with anyone period. I really appreciate your advices.

God Bless.

[bo1977]

I must say I am in the boat but my problem has become why more then I can handle. I have been divorced for over 2 years yet nothing I have tried has worked to get me over my ex. I have been told countless times there are millons of other women out there you are a great guy, you will meet someone new. The thing is I can not shake her, she is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last person I think of when I go to bed. I have went to therapy and it was useless I just wasted money I do not have to have someone tell me the same things I have been hearing from everyone else. The thought of her with another man kills me in side and now knowing that this has happen and is continuing to happen as I type I feel so lost that nothing matters anymore. I feel pain I feel saddness I feel alone. I have so many wonderful memories of use together and I never thought I would say this but now I want them gone. I want rid my self of all the love I have for her so that I may begin a new life. I have tried to move on every way possible but it is just working. She wants to be friends obviously I am not ok with just being friends. I seriously need help and was hoping I could get some direction as to the possible hypnotherapy ideas that could block out or remove my memories of love for her. If I do not get help soon I do not know what will happen. I have been sick more in the past two years from depression and heart ache then I have been in my whole life. Any suggestions or direction to a good way of making these memories of her go away would be greatly appricated. Please Help!!!

[moe]

Hi there

I'm out of a divorce myself, few weeks ago

maybe you heard this before

if you know a bit of NLP , I read here in a post that Richard bandler suggests dissassociating with good memories with her and associate with the bad memories

one easy thing I saw in a tv program was to wear a rubber band in your hand, and whenever you get a negative thought about her, you pull it up and let it hurt your your hand
and so on
I think in a while your brain will try it's best to not think of her

good luck

[bo1977]

Thank you Moe for replying the problem comes with the fact that we work together. I see her everyday and have to communicate with her often. I see all that goes on and hear about things she does. I am in the military so I can not just jump ship and move and I do like my job. We have tried to be friends now for 2 years but I am still so in love with her that no matter how much she hurts me or pushes me away I still want her. I know it is ridiculous to think a women could have such an effect on a person but I have really tried and nothing works.

[Don]

The information you're looking for is really quite simple. What you do is dissociate the deep feelings you have for her. That way you can work with her and learn from your experience while not having the pain of her rejections. Any certified, experienced hypnotherapist or NLP master prac should be able to help you.

[bo1977]

Thanks Don for replying but I am new to the whole hypnotherapy concept. Is what you are saying, that if I see a professional they can make my feelings of want/desire/missing feeling for my ex not effect me anymore where as then being able to begin a new relationship with her without wanting her or remembering the pain of not being able to be with her.

[Pam119]

You are not alone in your hurt. All of us at any age can feel "slighted" by friends and loved ones, etc. My youngest daughter (28 yrs) is involved in what I think is a verbally abusive relationship. There is nothing I can really do about it, except go give my opinion and be there when she needs me. What I did tell her is to value herself and once you do realize you are also an important and vital part of this universe and YOU ARE, you will be your own best friend. Just think how you would advise your own best friend in difficult situations. You still have many opportunities ahead and this was another step along the way. That is what can be exciting about life and the journey.

[Shlomo_NLP]

you can certainly keep your faith, your good relationship with your family and your love by respecting your own feelings first and then remembering to respect other people's feelings, those that you care about.

The most important thing you'd have to take care of, Dumani, is your anger. Those feelings you had are named "fear of loss", because you had a sense you've lost her, and you want her back, as soon as possible... it creates anger. No one wants to lose anything. By the way, even salesmen use that technique to sell... fear of loss.

Plus, you may also want to get a sense of acceptance, if the relationship is truly over. Just say to yourself that it's fine with you if it's over. Let it go, in other words... sometimes those things we let go of, find their way back to us in a better shape and way.

all you need is love, ehhh...

[betlamed]

Don and Neta1o,

about that Bandler-suggested strategy: I understand and respect what it is aiming at, but judging from my own experience I'm not too sure I would want to practice that. From a few years' distance, I like to look back on the good memories from former relationships, they help me when times are rough and help me know who I am and how I came to be me.

So, well, everybody has to decide that for themselves of course, and if the pain gets overwhelming one should use any tool to handle it; but a certain amount of pain after the end of a relationship is actually quite healthy, I think.

Remember, pain is valid information!

bl

[Don]

Bo, it's a bit more complex that that, but that is basically the idea, yes.

[bo1977]

Don being that sessions probably cost a good amount of money. How many sessions would you say it would take me to get my desired results. I know it probably varies from person to person but a rough guess would be great so that I can see if I can manage the cost.

[Don]

There are too many variables to guess. As a GENERAL rule, I would say 2-3 at most. However, there may be some other issues which come up (what you are currently experiencing may only be a symptom of something deeper). Certainly it should take no more than 4-6.

As to it being too expensive, if you had appendicitis, would you spend weeks or months shopping around for a cheap alternative to surgery which you know will end the problem? I don't think so.

Here, you're facing a problem which, like appendicitis, is effecting your entire life and you're worried about cost. Frankly, if cost is your major concern, this isn't really an important problem in your life and I would say that you're making a big deal about something that you really don't care that much about.

Look. I'm not going to make a penny out of this so it's not like I'm trying to get you to buy somethiing expensive from me. But if you're tired of the way things are, hypnosis or NLP can resolve the problem quickly. How much longer do you want to suffer? How much is ending the suffering worth to you? How much are you worth?

That being said, I think if you seek an experienced, certified hypnotherapist in your area, you'll be surprised at how reasonable rates are, especially since this isn't psychotherapy that might take months or longer.

The easiest way to find out how much deaiing with an issue like this (and hypnotists get it all the time) is to call a few hypnotists in your area, ask them how many sessions it should take, and how much they charge. Rates are generally set by what the market will bear in any area, so we can't really tell you how much hypnotists charge.