Hypnotized To Forget Loving Someong -- Possible--Ethical?

[CantForget]

Hello.

As of 6 months ago, I was engaged to be married to a man I believe to be my soulmate. He had a tendency of always breaking off our relationship for some reason or another; couldn't handle children, committment, others views of me, was afraid to be loved.

To make a long story short, I always took this man back; most of the time I went to him to get him back; I have never loved anyone like I find myself loving this man. My life just didn't feel whole/complete without him in it.

Wait!

A little about me before I continue: I am going to be 40 years old in May, I have been married/divorced once and have 2 very beautiful children. I have a very high selfesteim of myself, I enjoy life, people, nature. I work as an executive secretary for a very successful company. My feet are planted firmly on the ground. Enough of me, just wanted to give some background about me.

Anyhow, my relationship with my ex-fiance was on/off for about 5 years now. The last time we were together was in November of 2004 for about 2 weeks and we were re-engaged for 3 days. On the fourth day, out of the blue, my "then" fiance told me to leave him alone, he changed his mind and told me to go away. I was devestated. To this day he will not talk to me, accept a phone call or email. He has totally shut me off from him completely. I have so many questions and unresolved issues/feelings/questions. However, as it turns out, I will never get my answers from him.

I have been crying steadily, every day since September of 2004. I was happy again for 2 weeks when we reunited. I have beem on anti-depresants, have seen 2 psychologists, read but still cannot get this man out of my head. I, at one point, considered suicide around Christmas to eleviate the pain/loss that I feel. Believe me, I quickly changed my mind when I concentrated on my children and their needs.

However, lately, I have been thinking about hypnosis to end these every day, every hour thoughts of this man. I am so sick and tired of hurting and missing him. I am so sick of feeling great loss.

So, my question, alas, is it possible to hypnotize someone to forget a person they love and cannot forget?

Thank you,
Lor

[Merlin]

Hello,

>So, my question, alas, is it possible to hypnotize someone to forget a person they love and cannot forget?


It's *theoretiically* possible but not recommended.
Blocking memories can really screw up a life (worse than the actual memories).
What is recommended is to "disconnect" the emotions and leave the memories in tact.
Hypnosis can do that easily.

[minjus]

He cared, then he didn't, then he did - and each time you took him back, the pain is worse than before when he leaves again. . .excuse the poor wording and incorrect tenses - I'm older than you are, but I know that effect - even though you are "high-functioning" in daily life, nothing comes near what it was like when the two of you were together.

Maybe using "is" in what the pain is like, instead of what the "pain WAS like," was a Freudian slip--because the pain hasn't lessened - - for me it got drastic--memories of him were better than any reality, even kindness of loved ones--I was "finished for all others."

Even though I saw him as he is today--old, fat, and alone--I was in love with the memory of what we had and what could have been. My rational mind has told me for years "that was not real."

Thank god you survived your low point. I'm not a hypnotist, just read about it myself. I hope you can get help. Just because you can "carry on," doesn't mean it has to stay the way it is. For what tiny comfort it may be, you are not alone. I'm going to continue in another paragraph (!)

[minjus]

You carry on for the sake of your children. I did. But there has to be more. I did get over other "jerks who dumped me," why couldn't I get over this one?

He can be your soulmate, AND a jerk. He hurt you terribly. You can get strong so you can take your life back. My children are grown now, and I hope I can get myself together in time for the grandchildren--that is, if my kids will bring them around.

[CantForget]

Dear Merlin:

Thank you for your kind advice. So, now, I'm off to seek a professional hypnotist so that I can "disconnect" my ex.

I feel as though I have to do something. Medications and therapy have done nothing for me. I seem to be somewhat of a "thickhead" I guess. I cannot stop thinking of this man I love so much; whom I will never have again.

When we were engaged I once told him "I hope I die before you, honey. I wouldn't be able to handle you going before me". Well, he's gone and I don't know how to handle it.

This is what brought me to this forum. I was looking on the search engine for "hypnotism to forget loving someone" and found this site.

Should I telephone my doctor and speak with her for her to suggest a professional hypnotist? Can you give me some direction?

Many thanks in advance, Merlin, you're very kind to have answered. :)

Sincerely,
Lory

[CantForget]

Thank you dear for letting me in.

This gives me no hope for "going it alone" and it seems that you and I are going through the same "deal".

Unfortunately, I will not -- can not -- do this much longer. This is why I have sought hypnotism as perhaps a light at the end of the tunnel for me.

I am a strong person. This man has broken me like a stallion and I have never let anyone in my life hurt me so emotionally as he has. I also have never loved someone so much in my life.

Perhaps, if I could have spoken with my ex from time to time, I would have healed by now. However, with no explanations of our broken engagement and why the silent treatment I now get, there is no closure. Without closure it only worsens the pain and loss that I feel. If I can never get an answer, I just wanted to forget him completely.

Merlin suggested that I contact a hypnotist so that I can "disconnect". To be honest, at this stage of the game, I would consider selling my soul to the devil in order to forget him. I want to feel happy again. I hate crying over this man every single day, every single night before I fall asleep.

I pray to God for help, strength and guidance. I beg God to help me forget this man and get him out of my head. I even pray to Mother Mary but I'm left with dealing with this on my own. I will help myself in dealing with this in anyway possible.

Thank you, too, for your kind words and I pray that you too get over this man that is making you feel as I feel.

At least I don't feel like such a "freak" in the way I feel. I know that I am not alone in what I am going thru. I wish to God I was because I wouldn't wish how I hurt on anyone, anyone.

God Bless You,
Lory

[CantForget]

Correction: when I say "disconnect" I AM referring to disconnecting emotions. How I hope I can get someone to help me do this. I strongly feel that this would help me to stop crying over my ex every day and thinking about him all day long and all night long. I hope this advice from Merlin is the answer to my prayers or a start.

[Merlin]

Hello,

>Thank you for your kind advice.

Pleased to help. That's why I 'hang' here :)

>Should I telephone my doctor and speak with her for her to suggest a professional hypnotist?

Often, Medical doctors 'look down' on hypnotists as though they are witch doctors or something (competition I guess). So you may not get a good referral there.

A psychiatrist or psychologist might dabble in hypnosis (they only need one class in hypnosis to add the lable to their title).

I'd suggest the phone book (let your mouse do the browsing)
After you find one, ask about experience your specifics.
Then you can check on that hypnotist with a hypnotist association (ABH or NGH)

:) Be successful :)

[Don]

Hi, Can't.

I'd just like to add a few things.

Not only are you not a freak, what you're experiencing is quite common! Especially here in the Western world we are taught to be strong and "just get over it" but rarely are we given the tools to do so.

As evidence of this, just do a search on this forum and you'll find so many other people who have similar problems. No, they're not exactly like yours, but I bet if we asked them they'd say that these things were practically wrecking their lives.

No, without sounding too evangelical, I want to give you some really good news. This is a common situation presented to hypnotherapists and a trained and experienced hypnotherapist should be able to help you within three visits. You would probably notice a vast difference after only one session. Really. There is help for you and you can change.

I also want you to know that when you posted that you were a strong person I also understood where you were coming from. But one of the things we were not taught is that strength has nothing to do with change. All you need is the knowledge and skill to change, and any trained and experienced hypnotherapist can help you with this.

Finally, I'd like to make one small suggestion for you. I'll throw it in, and if you don't like it, feel free to throw it out! :)

Every time you come here you are telling yourself that you Can't Forget. That's the nick you're using. That's like programming yourself to never forget and never change your behavior.

So what I suggest you do is change your nick. Perhaps you could change it to something like "Can Change." Then, every time you see your nick you'll know what you can do, not focus on what you can't do.

[Terry (existing)]

I would support Don's post using different words, words that paint a picture. You see, no personality is strong under every situation. Take the beautiful oak tree, tall, straight and proud. It produces wonderfull wood for furniture equally strong as the tree it came from, just as no doubt you are raising your children. On the other hand, if that oak tree were growing in the tropics, it wouldn't last long. Here the lowly palm tree reigns supreme. It is very different, for in stormy weather, which so often arises in the tropics, the palm bends with the mighty winds, and in bending saves itself, since once the storm is passed it rises non the worse for wear tall and straight again. If the oak were in a different place, think what it would do, withstand the storm or try to, and be smashed to bits by a force much greater than itself.... You may well be that mighty oak, and good for you, but you are also human, and confronting circumstances not usual for you. On the other hand, you have access to help if you choose to use it, so you are not either the oak or the palm, since they only do what they are able to do alone. As for a new name, I agree, but seek help at once, and don't allow this situation to smash you down like the oak in a storm, your children need you and you have a right to change if change will give you peace of mind and a return of self control, which I suspect you value greatly.....

[CantForget]

Don,
Thank you. Perhaps I will take your advice on changing my nick. I am also going to look in the phone book tomorrow during my lunch break to get into seeing a hypnotist to help me disconnect my emoitions from my ex. So many of my friends and family get on my case asking me or stating "When are you going to get over this guy?!". It hurts and angers them that I am still so much in love with him.

Geez, they should be me. I disgust myself but I cannot help what I feel. However, I can hopefully get some help soon!

Take care, Don and Thanks again my friend.

Tell you all what!!!

When I do finally get in to seeing someone I promise to fill you all in. You've got my word!!!!

Take care,
Lory

[skip]

Hi Can't,

Is it OK if I offer a somewhat different perspective?

First off I think "Cant Forget" is perfectly alright, because up until now you thought you couldnt. And you may still choose to think that for a while. When I first read your post, and the replies, Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations" kept running through my mind. In it there is a character named Mrs. Haversham. She is very wealthy, very attractive, and is surrounded by many blessings, but she was abandoned on her wedding day. And for the last 20 years she had worn nothing but her wedding gown, and remained in her room.

Now I know this isnt an accurate representation of you personally. But we both know that there are times when we certainly can relate to Mrs Haversham's suffering.

Every time I go on a trip, my dog Cooper, puts on his wedding dress, and plays the Mrs Haversham part, until I return. Ah responsibilities always, eh? :)

Lets talk about you more specifically. I imagine there are some things about the relationship both good and bad that you wouldnt want to forget ever. Some you would want to treasure, and others might be signals of trouble that you might want to be alert to in other relationships. Both valuable in different ways, and both hard earned, and worth every 'penny'.

I too think it is worth your time and money to go to a good hypnotherapast, not just a hypnotist, but I believe it needs to be with some specific outcomes in mind.

Obviously you would like some pain relief, and you know this can happen because you have had pain, physical, emotional, and such, in the past, and you have forgotten it. I dare say that you hurt just as much, if not more, at the loss of your first puppy love, even if it wasnt near the duration as this. So even as crushing as it was then, now it is a bitter sweet memory, one you can even view somewhat fondly.

And I think it is important to realize exactly where the pain you are experiencing for now, is comming from. If you were able for a few moments to sit back, and observe your feelings, and emotions about this past relationship ...

Would you say it is really missing this guy, who you apparently couldnt depend on?

Or is it the death of the dream, you had for the two of you, that you are really mourning, and missing so?

See very simplistically, every romantic relationship is made up of some realities and some expectations. And when, on balance, the realities are good and the expectations are good the relationship is good.

People will maintain a relationship when the realities, on balance, are bad, but the expectations are still good.

It is when the expectations are poor, that people end relationships, even if at the time, the realities are OK or even pretty good.

And admittedly simplistically, I percieve your 'problem' as one of holding on to the expectations, the dream, that you had, even as you acknoweledge that the specific realities of this relationship precluded those expectations. You knew long before this last time, that it wasnt going to work, didnt you?

It was your hope, your love of the dream, that kept you going with this guy, not the guy.

And that is the point I would make. You have tied your dream, of this 'perfect' relationship to this one guy, when it really has little to do with him. It is your dream, they are your expectations, and he obviously wasnt the guy who could play the role you had scripted for him.

Now Im not assigning fault here on either direction, I am simply separating out and defining the difference that is hurting you now. It isnt the man you are really missing so much as it is the death of the dream you had for the two of you, that you dont want to give up.

And I see no reason to give up the dream.

At one time in my youth I was dating a woman who was trying to make it on broadway. She had secured a part in a show, and they rehursed, and rehursed, and on the night before opening night, the "star", was hospitalized. I thought they would postpone the opening. She told me, "One monkey dont make no show."

If you will, give some thought to what it is that you are really missing. What part of it is the man himself. What part of it is the dream you had for the two of you? Do this with the realization that you do not have to give up the dream. It is still yours to have and to realize with someone else. Because the dream is something two people in a relationship accomplish together.

I suspect that as you consider this, you will begin to percieve small distinctions, between, what is missing him, and what is actually what is worth preserving about that relationship, and that is the dream you have, that you still want to accomplish.

And we both know, from previous relationship experience, all the way from puppy love, to marrage, to divorce, to later relationships where we fully "intend to get it right this time", to moving on from them, that the dream is worthy, even if some of the actors arent 'fit' for the part.

You have a dream, it is already in so many ways reality. Your children, what you have accomplished, and the life and loves you have lived, it is already rich. And you still have some things you want, in this dream, and all the past has given you experiences that have helped you shape and mold this dream, and your skills, so that you can better accomplish it.

So when you go to this hypnotherapast, go with the understanding that it isnt more loss that you want. Because forgetting or losing part of your wealth of experience now, does little to get you want you really do want. You want the dream, and you dont want to waste time and energy on therapy, or people, that arent helping you get it.

You have a great future, I just wish I could be a fly on the wall to enjoy watching you accomplish it.

cheers,

skip

[Hypnotist_ RJ]

After reading this thread, I felt compelled to write you. I am a Certified Hypnotherapist and I deal with clients with this type of emotional stress all the time.

I am not really sure exactly what you mean by disconnect, so let me tell you what I perceive you to mean. You must work through the feelings and emotions connected to this man who has hurt you. If you merely disconnect the feelings and emotions, they just become buried in the subconscious mind to one day return again. And, it might not even be related to the man that caused the feelings. Feelings will associate with other events or feelings and what you "have buried" can resurface connected to another event or time.

I work with a modality of hypnotherapy called 5-PATH(tm) which means, Five Phase Abreactive Therapeutic Hypnotherapy. What this means is that I work with the feelings and emotions connected to what is bothering you or a habit that a person is dealing with. The word abreaction is a conjunction of the words abnormal and reaction, which means to "abnormally react". Meaning I want the feelings and emotions to surface, because then you (the client) can work through those feelings that are there.

Most always they are feelings of fear, sadness, anger and guilt to name a few. And yes crying is a part of the process, but this time the crying is a healing process that involves diffusing or neutralizing the feelings followed by forgiveness therapy. You need to forgive both the person who hurt you and yourself. Without getting into too much detail, forgiveness does not require that you tell the person who hurt you that you forgave them. This is a different type of forgiveness that allows you to be set free of the pain from the event or the past.

I do this work on a daily basis and the relief that my clients have afterwards is phenomenal. So, I would suggest that you seek the help of a qualified hypnotherapist who can help you work through this painful time. (If you want to find a hypnotherapist who is 5-PATH trained, please let me know.) Merely disconnecting your feelings will not be enough. You must diffuse or neutralize the feelings and emotions and work through the forgiveness process and once you do that you will be amazed at how wonderful you feel and how your ex won't be able to hurt you anymore.

Through your posts I could feel your pain and if I can be of any further help to you, please let me know.

RJ

[Terry (existing)]

Good first post RJ, and you spelled it out in a competent manner. However, I do need to challenge you on what you seem to claim as a registered method of therapy which is in fact in common useage, and has been ever since I took my first course over thirty six years ago and before that. I hope you didn't want to intentionally leave the impression that only those trained by a certain group could use, was competent to use, or had the right to use catharsis as a healing tool?

[Simple Guy]

RJ,

I agree with Terry's words: "Good first post RJ." All excellent, clean methods,
properly applied, accomplish the goals that you very well articulated. Welcome to
the forum and send my best regards to Cal.

[Hypnotist_RJ]

I would like to point out that I never "claimed" the method I used was a "registered method of therapy" as you stated in your post. What I said was that I used a modality of hypnotherapy called 5-PATH and then went on to explain what that method was.

In no way was I suggesting that this was a the only form, nor that only hypnotherapists who are trained in 5-PATH can utilized age regression and forgiveness therapy. I was simply stating the method that I was trained in and used. As you well know, age regression and forgiveness has been around for many, many years and you don't have to be trained in only one way to utilize them. If you will reread my post, what I said was:

"I work with a modality of hypnotherapy called 5-PATH(tm) which means, Five Phase Abreactive Therapeutic Hypnotherapy." I don't see where this statement indicates a claim of a registered form of therapy.

I hope that you understand that I was merely explaining a process that I was taught and one that has proven results, but by no means is it the only method. I hope by rereading my post and this explanation you will see that I did not want to intentionally leave the impression that only those trained by a certain group could use, was competent to use, or had the right to use catharsis as a healing tool.

On the contrary, we need more hypnotherapists doing spreading the word on what we do and how efficiently we do it. I hope that this explains my first post and I look forward to future postings on this board and with both of you.

Thanks for responding and I will give regards to Cal.
RJ

[CantForget]

To RJ:

<<You must diffuse or neutralize the feelings and emotions and work through the forgiveness process and once you do that you will be amazed at how wonderful you feel and how your ex won't be able to hurt you anymore.

Through your posts I could feel your pain and if I can be of any further help to you, please let me know. <<

I have forgiven this man...lol...I must admit, I am a very forgiving person; it goes with being a Christian. :)

I DO hurt, very, very much. The hurting, the missing and the yearing can be somewhat overwhelming for me at times. Unfortunately, the weekends are the worse for me.

However, I am very interested in what you've suggested to me in yesterday's posting. I would like to know more.

I live in Rhode Island and would love to know how I can find a 5-PATH Hypnotherapist. Especially when you stated that your clients have felt phenominal relief afterwards.

I truly yearn to feel relief. Sometimes what I feel is like a 100 pound monkey on my back.

The last psychologist that I was seeing; I begged her for some form of hypnotism to help me forget my ex-fiance. She told me that this was a process that I had to go through and that hypnotism was "out of the question". I wish she would have known about this 5-PATH deal and suggested someone to help me.

Now, I will ask you for further help. :)

Many thanks and thank you to all that have replied and posted to my message.

Sincerely,
Lory

[Hypnotist_ RJ]

I do know of an excellent 5-PATH Hypnotherapist in Providence, RI. If you will email me directly, I will give you his name and email address. I know that he would be an excellent resource for you.

Blessings,
Roberta rworm@ahypnoticchange.com

[Terry (existing)]

You were then alluding to the term 5 path when you indicated that it was registered by adding (tm)? I took it as meaning the method not the name,my apology....

[Hypnotist_ RJ]

No problem:)

RJ

[Simple Guy]

RJ,

Thanks for the clarification. I thought that this is what you meant, but
some others may not have. I look forward to your postings.

[Pondman]

Hello.


To make a long story short, I always took this man back; most of the time I went to him to get him back; I have never loved anyone like I find myself loving this man. My life just didn't feel whole/complete without him in it.

Lor

There are many issues to your post. I hope you find a way to understand how the past is influencing the future. I think hypnosis could help. I'm not in the profession but have used scripts before.

My own opinion is that a good mental health option is usually found in finding good friends to drink coffee with. And someone who wants the best for you can also add their own scripts to your life (If you'd listen.) For whatever reason you found yourself in a quagmire. I think a hypotist could help you get out and stay away from the quicksand. But you would have to come to terms with why you stepped in the quicksand to begin with.

[Ricky]

This is very interesting.

I wonder what happened to this lady.

Perhaps she should talk to my ex. My ex was totally in love with me but found some way to fall out, while I still haven't

[spunkeeprincess0]

I don't belive in soul mates. I believe that any person that you take enough time to get to know and like then love can be "the one". I don't believe there is any one person for me!

[Ricky]

Spunkee I'm starting to believe that again.


Basically I stopped believeing in soulmates
Then I started again when I met her

Now I dont' again

Full circle I guess.

She is a quitter and I guess If I had looked at her resume I would have been able to surmise that.

That being said she is a very loving, wonderful human being that I'm glad I got to know. I still love her.

Will I ever get back with her? I think it's possible. But instead of me proving myself to her again, it will be the other way around.