hypnosis to forget someone (?)

[vidalia]

and you've probably heard this one a hundred times, in the true spirit of the "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" craze, but here goes:
i stumbled upon this post while looking for information on "forgetting someone" via hypnosis.

now, we have all had our share of turbulant relationships, but lets say, for instance, the love of your life (your first "true love") has been in love with you for x amount of time (x = less than a year). everything aside from the ending was a positive experience, but the ending itself was baffling and heartbreaking. the person claimed to have fallen out of love with you in a mere matter of days. you know this person well, to some degree, apparently not as well as you thought, but you feel that based on this true love and in comparison to other failed relationships where you never found this sort of love, you either trusted too much or too little and you are terribly afraid of trusting ever again, especially now.. this person showed you what it was to be loved. this was the one.

maybe i'm crazy but i believe in that "one person for everyone" thing. i want to forget this ever happened. the thought that someone can just turn around one day and say "i'm sorry. i just thought about it, i don't feel that way anymore," whether it really be for the reasons given or possibly for reasons you will never know, is just plain terrifying. yes, i am "young," and yes, it's good it happened now instead of 10 yrs from now when we are married and have children together.. but it still happened. so what i am getting at is -- what harm would there be in forgetting, if it is possible?

i see you have pointed out in another conversation on this board (about forgetting a specific event) that emotions tied to a certain instance can come out at other times, if that instance is erased, and cause even more trouble. i dont feel this would be the case, since there is nothing negative tied to this relationship other than the very end, which is what i wish to forget. i dont see how i can learn from this experience -- i only see how i can become bitter and jaded and confused by what has happened. i just want to forget, is all.

thanks for any help / advice you can give.

[Don]

Every event teaches us something. Even events that are horrible lead to understanding. If we erase everything from those events, we lose all that we have learned--emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Erase it all and there is no reason not to relive it.

Do you really want to go through all that again?

[vidalia]

i understand what you are saying, but what was learned? not to trust someone no matter what they do to prove their love; and i mean actions, not words, because in the end, whether that end be after days, months or years, there is *no* reason given, so what reason should i have to believe? i feel like i want to forget to help preserve some sort of innocence.. . if that makes any sense ?

ive always stood by the idea of thinking of each person i meet, relationship-wise or not, as a new and different experience, and not judging them based upon others' actions in the past.. i know there is a difference between being paranoid and guarded / cautious but i honestly fear that as a result of what has happened i am going to shut off and just not allow anyone to get past a certain point, because it just makes absolutely _no_ sense what happened in this relationship, and i fear it never will and i have no reason to believe it will not happen again because i do not know what caused it. you can't correct something or make sure it doesn't happen again if you don't even know what took place to make things go awry. especially if the person keeps re-enforcing that it was _nothing_ that happened. the person just realized the feelings were no longer there. in a matter of days! i'm sorry. i probably sound like a crazy lady.. . at least i'm aware of it, right? ;p

[Simple Guy]

Vidalia,

Using hypnosis and NLP, I've helped people neutralize their feelings
for someone, retain learnings and to move on. I'm not suggesting that
you are in need of hypnosis or NLP. I wouldn't attempt to remove a
memory. To do so might leave a void in the mind and bring discomfort.

Life is not spotless and despite this people start afresh after getting over
what can feel like a rug being pulled out from under their feet. Ah,
experiencing this -- there's a learning for you. Not being glib, it's
a source of future strength to you. There is also the benefit of
emotional intelligence that can come from all kinds of relationships.
You've had the pain, so you've paid your dues on this one (if you
are in the hypothetical example you provided). Having done so,
you deserve to benefit in the future by whatever wisdom, skills
and discernment you will gain from it.

By the way, it is understandable for someone recently hurt to
question their capacity to trust someone else in the future.
When young it is also possible to feel that no one else can
fill the void left in the wake of a broken relationship.
I'm old enough to tell you that despite the question and feelings,
practically everyone gets beyond the question and discovers
someone or others that are more perfect fits for them.

[TaffyE]

>i understand what you are saying, but what was learned?

Vidalia,
Both Don and Simple Guy are correct in what they told you. You have now learned that what was once good has now gone. If you erased the memory of that relationship it could happen again, and you would go through the same emotions again. Now that you know it can happen, in the event of it happening again you will have the knowledge that you will deal with it with less trauma than last time.

You may well be surprised at how quickly and successfully you recover from this, and what you thought had gone will come back. The trust lost was with this person and not anyone else. Sure it is wise to enter a relationship cautiously, and with hope and trust, and also now with the wisdom that you now have, that may be at an unconscious level and available if and when needed.

[vidalia]

you are all very helpful, and for that i thank you. i'm sure, as the saying goes, "i just need time," and that i will hopefully learn something from this, somehow, even though it seems impossible right now.. . forgetting all together probably is not the answer, if that were even possible.

so many of the things that each of you have said have made a lot of sense and not really crossed my mind consdering the situation/state that i am in (the one i spoke of in my original post) and how very very recently it all took place. if i am looking for professional help, is there a specific type of person i should seek out? therapist? hypnotist? psychiatrist? i only have a vague idea of what different types of treatments or therapies entail, so any suggestions would be helpful.

everyone needs to be loved, but i feel like i place a beyond-normal dependency on it to just make me able to really be productive and at ease in the every-day things i do.. . it just doesn't seem healthy and i guess i have finally realized that and maybe that in itself is a start.. . i'm just not sure where to look to help myself get over this "need" or whatever it is, and learn to be strong and dependent on my own.

[skip]

Ah Sweet Vidalia!

See the corner is already being turned, and you dont realize it consciously yet.

"i will hopefully learn something from this, somehow, even though it seems impossible right now.. "

What you have experienced, what you are experiencing is precious. I know that sounds crazy, even to a 'crazy lady'. :)

But it is true.

You have learned what the best can be like. And I feel sure you wouldnt want to forget that.

And you have learned what the worst can be like, and the usefulness of that memory, even as the sharp sting fades, will do so much for you, it is difficult to easily imagine.

The feelings of rejection and having been told by someone very important to you, that you are no longer wanted, will, in time make you stronger and more self assured. Especiallly with your attitude of "I will learn from this."

Believe it or not, now, this experience will make you likely to be more successful in your future relationships. You now know that even if you think everything is OK, that you must be constantly working on the relationship. That you can never just assume. Now I know that makes relationships sound very precarious, and perhaps they are. Isnt that something that is good to know? And wont that knoweledge stand you in good stead, in motivating you to work smarter in your next one?

I could go on, and on, about this. Suffice to say, the learnings you will take away from this, painful as some of them might be in the moment, will far and away mke you a much better person and lover.

There is an excellent book that will inform you about the emotional rollercoaster ride you are presently on. It is called "Crazy Time" (aptly named dont you think?) by Abigale Trafford. You can get it in paper back new for about $13 US, and used I am sure for much less.

I urge you to buy it, you are going to live what is described, so wont it be comforting to know what to expect?

You are already looking beyond, even if it just feels like lip service. The most important thing you can do right now is to decide "Who do you want to be when you come out of this?" Once you know where you are going, it is much easier to get there.

skip

[Terry (existing)]

Each reply to date has been based on the idea of forgetting something, and therefor losing the experience from a learning viewpoint. Having read your post several times, I would suggest that hidden behind the wish to forget, is also the wish to know WHY is it not? That of course is a much better prospect for the future, since knowledge is king....
I suspect that you will be too embarrassed to see a local practitioner, so I will not offer any further suggestion, except to say that from experience, the feelings will fade and lose their sting, but the desire to understand the reasons behind the change of feelings will not go away until you are satisfied that you know the answer.....Only then can you be sure that you won;t make that same mistake again. When that time comes, you will be able to forgive and forget........I wish you luck.....

[Simple Guy]

Vidalia,

Sometimes the best therapy is connecting with others and engaging
oneself into enjoyable activities. Of course, if someone is feeling
overwhelmed, it is advisable to obtain professional assistance.
The best choice in regards to the kind of professional is dependent
upon the situation and person involved. A very important consideration,
whatever the field, is that the person chosen be a person that
someone can have good rapport with. The phone can be used
as a screening tool. If someone isn't willing to speak on the phone
prior to an initial appointment, it's not a good indicator. I'm unable
to make any specific recommendations for you.

[vidalia]

well, i can speak to someone via my school ( i have coverage as far as bills go and whatnot ), but my only experience with a therapist here was when i was taking a leave of absence and they gave me the cookie cutter "10 questions to ask to see if you're depressed" kind of run down which i recognized immediately from abnormal psych :p . ..and the person just seemed totally un-helpful, disinterested, and amature.

as for me being "embarrased," i'm not sure where you would get that idea.. . (?) i would be more than willing to seek help of whatever sort to try and figure out how to get over this because, yes, not knowing is part of it, for sure. i'm not embarassed about anything regaurding this situation, just more or less completely baffled and hurt .. . i gave this my all, i went out of my way, bent over backwards, maybe it was too much to give? i'm not sure, but i've never treated this person poorly and i have nothing that i feel ashamed about. if there were some reason given, it would be different -- an ex-girlfriend, something about his past, etc. but there was nothing. i "did nothing wrong" and "nothing changed," so he says. it was just him that changed and whether or not that was just a cheap cop-out, that is all i'm getting, so where to go from there is the question? i can hypothosize all i want, but the way it is now, i am never going to know if there is something more than what he says going on here.

[vidalia]

& re-reading what i just wrote, and in response to what terry said, yes. it does come down to me eventually finding peace in finding the reason for what happened. now, the question is, how do i keep myself from going insane trying to "figure out" the answer?

[Simple Guy]

Vidalia,

Lots of people find peace and sometimes never find the reasons for things.
Peace isn't dependent on finding out the reasons why others do what
they do.

Peace.

[TaffyE]

Vidalia,

Part of our relationships early in life are about finding out what we want/need in a relationship, and one way to find out is to try them on. Maybe this has been the case. He may not know, at a conscious level, why he didn't want the relationship any more, and so neither of you will know the reason(s).
Here, I have to disagree with Terry, in that the desire to know and/or understand the reason does fade with time and becomes less of an issue, and more a matter of curiosity.
People do change, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. Who knows, you may find yourself in the same situation at some time, only knowing that "this relationship" is not what I want, and not know why.

Skip is a wise old bugger (well I think he could be old, but not as old as me or Terry) and given you some good food for thought. Heed him well.

You may even surprise yourself and one day soon find that you have got over it far more quickly than you could have imagined you will.

[MsX]

Vidalia and everyone else,

When I read your original post, I was in shock. The very reason I came to this board is the same as yours. The only difference is...my feelings from my ex has not faded in almost 4 years. I havent seen him in almost 4 years and havent spoke to him in almost 2 years.

I want more than anything to stop thinking of him, stop feeling all the emotions I feel from him and hoping he will come back to me someday, which I dont think he will.

These feelings for him are consuming my life, and Ive dated other guys since, but no one has ever compared, and I dont know if anyone ever will. There is one guy I have been seeing on and off for a couple years now, it hasnt ever become anything serious, and I think its because of me still wanting my ex.

So, my question is, could someone get hypnotized to just stop the feelings from continuing on...I dont want to forget the love we shared, the learning experience or him, but I just want to get over him, and be ok with it.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this???

Thanks
MsX

[Simple Guy]

MsX,

Yes. Relationship issues and these kinds of emotional attachment problems that flow from them aren't stock-in-trade of the average hypnotherapist, though. I'd seek out assistance of someone with advanced skills and discernment that has success in this area.

[MsX]

Unfourtantley, I live in a world of very selfish people, and dont have anyone to talk to about this (or anything else that bothers me)

Maybe someday, I will get over him, I guess time should heal, I just didnt know it would take this long!

Thanks for the response, you guys are great!

[Simple Guy]

MsX,

Don't go just yet. Imagine that your world expanded enough to include
people you can talk with about this or other things that bother you.
It's good to connect with such people and perhaps you'd consider
assistance in this area, also. It can be far better than "time" to benefit
by the healing balm that good professional assistance provides. Time, alone,
can be either a blessing or a wearisome curse.

[MsX]

Well, when I found this website, I didnt think there were boards to actually talk to people about this.
I was basically looking to read about the Hypnosis.
Believe me, I wish there was someone out there to help me through this, I just kinda gave up on that. I figured that it was something I was going to have to learn to get over on my own, with time.

Ya know it does seem easier to let things out on this board, maybe cause its the security and comfort of you all dont know who I am and Im not worried about being judged.

Do you have any suggestions of online "therapy" for a situation like mine?

[Simple Guy]

MsX,

I'm glad that you found this site and discovered that you can talk
about this here. I've never recommended online therapy and
probably won't ever do so. Fear of being judged is not uncommon.
With good therapists, though, that fear disappears, or at least tends to
greatly lessen, for most of their clients. Not being trite, but there is
healing-value in this alone, for some people. This is a benefit of working with
someone face to face.

[rodimus]

Ask yourself appreciation questions:

"What do I like about this person despite anything else?"

"What have i learned from this situation?"

then do the NLP rewind movie method.

[Sadness Personified]

How to stop wanting to be with someone ?
How to control ?
The person has already left...
How to stop all these emotions I have for the person ?
How to look forward ?
How to live again ?

[Simple Guy]

Sadness Personified,

If overwhelmed by these questions and feelings, please call a local professional
that will be able to provide you with assistance.

[Sadness Personified]

can anyone just give me any advice ?
anything that might help.....

[rodimus]

I am assuming this is a romantic situation? Not like a family member ?


the only way is to start to recognize there is abundance out there. That the world is not a world of lack, but a world of abundance. When u think there are how many people in your city or country, and many who are still available.

Then you have to start believing that you are attracting to yourself someone new, either thru visualisation, or the NLP swish pattern, or affirmation.

And whenever the old person comes up, forgive and let go. Say : I have forgiven you, I will not judge you nor will i judge myself. I allow myself to attract someone who is perfect for me now."

Thats about the only way I know how to.

Another way probably is to collapse the old anchor of love/attachment to the old person.
OR, think of that love and good feeling you have attached, then instead of thinking of the old person, think of someone else new (no need to put a face or identify exactly who it is, just imagine someone who is not yet identified now, but is perfect for you,and you are happy). that good feeling will be attached to your new ideal person whom u are attracting.

How about start right now to write all the qualities you like in your new mate?
let that be your ideal to tell your sobconscious mind to attract it to u.

[Terry (existing)]

can anyone just give me any advice ?
anything that might help..... YES, change your world to one inhabited by caring people instead of selfish ones. Change your attitude to asking for help based on annonymity rather than trust. Read the posts you got and recognise that each was intended to help not judge. And finally, recognise that if advice was all that was needed you would have already got it, and indeed you did. You were told to get local help because help from a distance is not possible, and action is now what is required.....There are three steps to success, "seek" "act" and "obey directions". If you choose to miss out on any step you fail to take advantage of what you have already been offered...You have to date only done the first step, the next one will take work and time, in that you will now seek a good practitioner locally. The third step then becomes much easier, so it is the second step that is the hardest to overcome.....

[rodimus]

Methods that can be used:

-Collapsing anchors

-Having a new outcome (an ideal person written goal)

-recognizing abundance

-appreciating the good times, but learn to let go if it doesnt work out

I actually typed up a detailed post before this one, but strangely it didnt appear.

[Sadness Personified]

thanks guys....
I have hearing alot of advice over and over again...
but ultimately I know it is up to myself...
I will keep myself posted in this forum...

[foreverlost]

I am married now with two children and a great husband. I have never gotten over my true love. It has been 11 years. I am finally seeking the option of hypnosis. I feel like I am holding back with my husband due to unresolved issues with my ex. Not to give you bad news, but sometimes, you never get over someone.

[rodimus]

Sadness Personified,

FOr change to happen, you have to do it yourself. Either by applying the advice you got from others, or finding other ways. Nobody can do something to you while you sit back. Is that the reason why you want hypnosis? Other people can only give u advice and strategies that work.

Are you taking charge of your own life and mind? or waiting for someone to do it for you?

To let go of someone, you have to let go of someone yourself. Not wait for other people to make you let go.

[foreverlost]

I have been in counseling with several counselors for many years. I have been on medications and tried everything I can. At this point I am tired of always feeling this pain.. I am looking for no quick fix. I just want to feel normal.

[Thinking Things]

and you've probably heard this one a hundred times, in the true spirit of the "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" craze, but here goes:
i stumbled upon this post while looking for information on "forgetting someone" via hypnosis.

now, we have all had our share of turbulant relationships, but lets say, for instance, the love of your life (your first "true love") has been in love with you for x amount of time (x = less than a year). everything aside from the ending was a positive experience, but the ending itself was baffling and heartbreaking. the person claimed to have fallen out of love with you in a mere matter of days. you know this person well, to some degree, apparently not as well as you thought, but you feel that based on this true love and in comparison to other failed relationships where you never found this sort of love, you either trusted too much or too little and you are terribly afraid of trusting ever again, especially now.. this person showed you what it was to be loved. this was the one.

maybe i'm crazy but i believe in that "one person for everyone" thing. i want to forget this ever happened. the thought that someone can just turn around one day and say "i'm sorry. i just thought about it, i don't feel that way anymore," whether it really be for the reasons given or possibly for reasons you will never know, is just plain terrifying. yes, i am "young," and yes, it's good it happened now instead of 10 yrs from now when we are married and have children together.. but it still happened. so what i am getting at is -- what harm would there be in forgetting, if it is possible?

i see you have pointed out in another conversation on this board (about forgetting a specific event) that emotions tied to a certain instance can come out at other times, if that instance is erased, and cause even more trouble. i dont feel this would be the case, since there is nothing negative tied to this relationship other than the very end, which is what i wish to forget. i dont see how i can learn from this experience -- i only see how i can become bitter and jaded and confused by what has happened. i just want to forget, is all.

thanks for any help / advice you can give.
There's no reason to think you're trapped forever in the belief in a memory. You can equally believe you have forgotten something any time you like and hold that belief as tightly as you can until you don't want to let go of the belief that you've forgotten.